


Your Gravity

by lucskywalks



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lawyers, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominant Hux, Emotional Manipulation, Hux is a huge jerk, Kylo gets swept up in his fuckery, M/M, Someone Protect Kylo Ren, Submissive Kylo Ren, but he's also got a temper, like really submissive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:44:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6561436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucskywalks/pseuds/lucskywalks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Working as a paralegal in an illustrious First Order law firm for the past few years has finally provided Kylo Ren with the security and stability that's always been lacking in his life. Especially while he's been working for Brendol Hux, a brilliant young lawyer famed for his militant control in the courtroom. But all it takes is a drunken kiss in a dimly lit bar for Kylo to slip back into a world of recklessness and chaos--and to discover the intensity of the fire beneath Hux's icy exterior.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He had been staring at the same page for hours now, the words nothing more than black smudges of ink against the stark white backdrop of the papers they were printed on. No matter how hard he tried to focus, Kylo could not bring himself to read them. He squinted at the sheaf of papers, irritated, glancing every now and again at the screen of his datapad resting on his lap then back at the stack in his hands, wishing he could just throw himself into the pages and pages of legal jargon piled up around him and forget everything else.

The words continued to be incomprehensible as his focus turned to the much avoided topic currently pushing at the back of his mind. With a groan, Kylo dropped the papers on the coffee table and fell back against the cool leather of the couch, lifting his hands to rub roughly across his face. His eyes itched, exhaustion letting itself be known even as he blinked against the reckless feeling, illuminated by the light of the datapad.

He reached for the styrofoam cup of coffee beside him and sighed disappointedly. Empty. He checked his watch. Two-thirty a.m.

 _Shit_. He hadn’t meant to stay up this long. Just long enough to make sure his roommate Syal and her girlfriend were both well and truly asleep before he would head to his bedroom. Tonight they hadn’t been as disruptive as previous nights, and Kylo could not have been more grateful. He really needed to use this time to extract his thoughts without the constant sounds of sex reverberating around the apartment and seeping into his ears.

Syal had been a good friend to him, ever since they met when Kylo first got his internship at his uncle Luke’s law firm. Syal’s father, Wedge Antilles, had made partner at the firm a few years earlier, and even though Kylo had for all intents and purposes been something of competition to her, she’d been quick to include him in the small but warm social circle of paralegals interning there. Easygoing and relentlessly clever, she naturally attracted a crowd of friends, and she’d helped to break Kylo out of his shell a little during those early years, introducing him to Coruscant’s nightlife with her ever-present grin and desire for adventure. When Kylo had accepted the job at Snoke’s firm and decided to move to Correllia, Syal had followed him enthusiastically, ready to take on the buzz of a new planet with her own quickly acquired position teaching future lawyers at one of the First Order’s most prestigious universities. It was there that she met her current girlfriend Rey, a mechanical engineer with whom Syal had quickly fallen head over heels in love with, something that still made Kylo slightly bewildered. Their heady and passionate romance left very little room for Kylo to catch his breath, even now that they had been dating for a little over a year. He liked Rey, and they’d always gotten along just fine, but recently their flirting and banter provoked a pang of jealously deep in his chest, even more so when he had to come home late from the office to the sounds of their unabashedly raucous sex life.

 He was grateful for the fact that this evening they seemed to have taken an early night in. The reminder of their domestic bliss would have been a little too much for Kylo to bear tonight, especially after what had happened between him and Hux.

 He let out a frustrated sigh, the pile of pages staring up at him mockingly. _How did I get myself into this mess?_

 It happened the first time in a bar, when Hux had _very_ suddenly kissed him, hours after the client they had been meeting with had left. He’d convinced Kylo to stay, have a few drinks, talk. Kylo had thought Hux already had too much to drink at that point, to even be offering that to him, but he wasn’t going to turn down an opportunity like that. He hadn’t exactly been in a hurry to get home to his apartment either, which had felt especially lonely of late, now that Syal and her girlfriend had been spending every waking moment together. Kylo had taken the invitation to stay for what it was, despite not being clear on what exactly had prompted it; Hux was usually strictly business. A moment of weakness on Hux's part? Alcohol-clouded judgment? Perhaps a mixture of the two. Kylo couldn’t care less, really, he was just thankful for it, because it was earning him extra time with his boss.

 He was quite literally mid-sentence when Hux had kissed him, catching him completely off guard. Kylo didn’t kiss back; he didn’t need to, because, like everything else in his life, Hux was in complete control of the situation. He’d had complete control of Kylo’s mouth, even after they had broken apart, both slightly breathless, faces flushed. Even now, thinking back, Kylo still felt like he hadn’t had jurisdiction over it, like Hux had taken it and claimed it as his own and Kylo would never get it back. But at the same time, in a way, Kylo didn’t want it back.

Kylo had waited for Hux to speak first, thinking he would have some kind of logical explanation for his actions. That he was drunk. That it was a mistake, a lapse in his usually coldly professional judgement, or something along those lines. Instead, Hux pulled him closer, pressed his lips back up against Kylo’s again, and breathed the words, “Come back to my place, Ren,” into his mouth. Kylo’s breath had hitched in his throat, his head already buzzing from the alcohol. _I have to get out of here_ was the only coherent thought that had formed in that moment _._ He had to leave, had to be anywhere but there with Hux, because if he didn’t, he knew exactly where he would wake up the next morning, and he knew he couldn’t let that happen.

 So Kylo apologized, abundantly, almost stammering, as if he’d done something terribly wrong, and excused himself. He’d rushed, tipsy and stumbling, out of the bar, hailed a transport, and went straight home. He only started to feel the first waves of true panic wash over him once he was sheltered inside his apartment. Only then had the reality of the situation set in. He had rejected Brendol Hux. _Hux._ He was almost positive that nobody had ever rejected Hux. Not in _this_ galaxy. Kylo was sure there had be some kind of consequences for doing that. He decided to sacrifice his sleep that night in order to exert some sort of apology, or maybe it was a resignation.

(It had felt a lot like the latter.)

But as it turned out, it wasn’t needed. The following day, Hux did not bring it up once, did not even so much as hint at it. It was like it never happened at all. Kylo considered for a brief moment that maybe Hux had been too drunk to remember it. Personally, he could still taste the scotch in his mouth from Hux's kiss the morning after, even after he had brushed his teeth twice. It was plausible. But how could Hux _possibly_ have not remembered? It had been unavoidable, nagging, constantly on Kylo’s mind since it had happened. He felt irritated that Hux had not brought it up, honestly, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to bring it up himself. If Hux wanted to feign ignorance and pretend it didn’t happen, then he would follow suit and do the same. Two could play at this game.

 Kissing his boss was already the proverbial line Kylo did not want to cross, so he had made the decision to not go any further than that with Hux. He _could not_ go any further than that. He already felt too many things for him, and he knew Hux didn’t reciprocate those feelings in return. Kylo didn’t want to get himself hurt--but the only problem with that was the nagging sense how strangely predestined his feelings were, or seemed to be; not letting him keep his distance. He had already drawn himself too close to the fire at this point, practically ignited the first time their lips met. He was smoldering as the flames spread between them with each passing day, razing all instincts of self-preservation he had and leaving no traces of them, not even ashes.

 Trying to maintain a pretense at work since their kiss was proving a difficult task for Kylo. It was painstakingly demanding to pretend that he was anything close to comfortable when the truth was that time had stopped for him, his heart no longer beating to supply oxygen-enriched blood throughout his body, but beating in time with the blazing emotions in his head every time he stole a glance at Hux. Difficult to admit that for the first time in his life, he was having trouble thinking clearly, trouble focusing on his work when his mind was a constant echo of flame, a scorch mark still hot to the touch.

 It didn’t particularly catch Kylo by surprise, therefore, when Hux appeared over him in his office the second time. Kylo had been completely expecting it. Hux's eyes had been lingering on his lips all day, and it was only a matter of time. It was long after everybody had gone home, and Kylo could somehow inextricably sense Hux approaching him. He had watched Hux covertly moments earlier from all the way down the hall; not really a sixth sense, but more to do with Kylo’s fleeting compulsion to make sure he would be obtainable to Hux if the opportunity arose.

Hux's kiss had a callousness to it that time around, a certain desperateness, an urgent sense of need about it as Hux slipped a thigh between Kylo's, so contradictory to his usually controlled nature. Kylo remembered tensing under the power of it, and feeling surprised when Hux obviously felt his anguish and eased the kiss quickly into something gentler, more relaxed, and passionate.

“We should take this work back to my place,” Hux had muttered into his ear, his hands curling in Kylo’s dark hair possessively.

Kylo had been positive Hux wasn’t talking about anything related to the job when he said that, but he’d still agreed to it. It was Hux, after all. _The_ Brendol Hux. And Kylo, admittedly, had wanted this for so long, fantasized about it even, hoping that maybe it would be unique, that maybe it could be something good. Maybe something amazing.

Sex with Hux was everything he thought it would be. Kylo never thought for a moment that the sex wouldn’t be mind-blowing. If anything, it was ten thousand times better than he’d expected. But more than the act itself, the things Hux had said during it was what stood out in his mind, the sentences blazing in Kylo's mind as Hux pressed his forehead against Kylo's, breath hot against his lips, mingling with his.

 

Yes, Kylo. _Kylo._ You’re so _fucking_ perfect. _God, Kylo._

 

Of course, it was stupid to think anything of it, _very stupid, Kylo,_ he reminded himself,  since people tended to say a lot things in the heat of the moment. But even so, Kylo had never been called perfect. Hux was almost devout in the things he did, slow, intense, methodical about his each and every move in such a way that had Kylo losing completely all sense of himself, lost in the moment instead, burning again in Hux’s scorching praise.

Kylo had sat motionless on the edge of Hux's bed, wondering what was to come next, after they were done. Hux had disappeared for a short while, leaving Kylo to wait for the rush of emotions to hit. The regret: because Hux was his _boss_ and they already shared more than enough secrets to ruin everything that they had worked towards for the last two years. The panic: because Kylo had _never felt this way about anyone_ , and something like this would change his entire outlook on life. But neither feeling materialized completely, just settling in his periphery, a faint red glow of coals. Instead, all he had felt was safety and warmth, everything that he logically knew he shouldn’t be feeling. Everything up until this point had been wonderful; a cleansing, scalding heat. In spite of all of it, however Kylo always expected the worst, and had remained sitting on the edge of the bed in silence, catching his breath and waiting for the inevitable hammer to drop.

 Hux had returned to the room, walking over and pressing some credits into the palm of Kylo’s hand. “I’m not really sure how far you live from here, but that should be plenty to get you a transport home…”

Kylo swallowed. Right. _Hammer dropped._ He knew that Hux's intentions were good, but it hadn’t made him feel any less cheap, or any less like a total idiot for having gone through with it. The fire flickered dully, and was snuffed out.

“Thanks, but I’ve got it,” Kylo said, getting up and handing the money back to Hux. He’d collected his shoes and socks from where they were scattered at the front door, and left without looking back, a hard lump in his throat as he’d punched the elevator door a lot harder than was strictly necessary, his vision blurring with hot, unwanted tears.

And here he was, two days later, having had the weekend to practically genuflect on his knees, knowing that when he did see Hux tomorrow at the office, they would end up pretending that it never happened and brush it under the carpet with all the other questionable moments they had been having recently.

Kylo sighed once more and pushed the thought away as soon as it came. He was thinking in circles. If he tried to analyze the various completely disparate facets and fragments of their relationship-- _Ugh._ To even call it that seemed to be a stretch.

He was contemplating crawling under the covers for the last three hours of the night when he heard movement from upstairs; an opening and shut of a door, the soft pad of footsteps, each sound loud against the heavy silence of the apartment. Kylo felt himself tense up instinctively, his back straightening and his hand reaching for his abandoned highlighter as if it were some kind of anchor on his life, scrambling to pick up the dossier. He did not bother with trying to read the pages, knowing that they would make even less sense now with his head full of fire, but that didn’t stop him from striking his highlighter across random words and paragraphs as if they made all the sense in the world, his heart rate quickening.

By the time Syal had made her way down the stairs and shuffled into the living room, it looked as if Kylo was just as hard at work as he was when she had gone to bed. Kylo didn’t look up as she leaned her lanky frame against the surface of the entertainment holounit on the main wall, but that didn’t stop him from feeling the brush of her gaze as it traveled over him.

Syal didn’t say anything for a long moment, and Kylo, in an endeavor not to pay her any mind, kept on highlighting passages of text that would have absolutely no significance to anyone come morning.

“Kylo?” she eventually spoke, her voice slightly hoarse from sleep. It made Kylo flinch to hear it. “Are you ever going to get some sleep?”

Syal Antilles was wearing a flowing cream-colored sleeping tunic, the hem dusting the tops of her knees gracefully. Kylo hated that tunic. In comparison to her usual attire of crisply tailored suits, and austere ponytails, he thought it looked far too feminine for her. She stood there with her long blonde hair slightly mussed, her arms folded across her chest, and her brow creased in obvious concern for her best friend.

“Seriously, you’ve been like this all weekend,” she pointed out, when Kylo finally looked up and his eyes met with Syal’s.

“I know, I just need to get this finished. It’s important,” Kylo said, dropping his gaze quickly back to the papers before him.

“You _need_ to sleep,” she countered, her voice a little louder.

Kylo bristled, but otherwise ignored her, hoping that she would just concede defeat and leave him to his pointless highlighting. 

“Kylo, it’s almost three in the morning,” she pressed on with a sigh instead, “You’re not going to be able to function if you don’t try to get at least a little sleep.”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve had to work on less sleep than this before, at uncle Luke’s firm,” he said, a little irritated now, flipping pointedly to the next page. “Besides, you’re not exactly one to talk. How many hours a day do they have you training those new recruits at the Academy?”

“ _I_ woke up to get a drink.” And here Syal unfolded her arms and took a step forward, as if coming closer would somehow persuade Kylo to listen to her. “Kylo—”

Kylo looked up, cutting her off before she could get started. “Look, Sy, if I don’t finish this tonight, I might as well not bother turning up for work today.”

Syal’s demeanor  was less concerned now and more aggravated as she pinned Kylo beneath a worrying stare. “Cut the dramatics, Lo. You’re working yourself too hard, and we both know it’s out of avoidance, not some ethical desire to actually do your job.”

Kylo fisted his fingers around the highlighter. “Yeah? Well, if that’s the case, apparently I’m _not_ working hard enough,” he shot back curtly.

“At doing your job or your boss?” she questioned, both of them already knowing the answer, and Kylo dropped his eyes back to his work, scowling at the pages before him. He felt the all-too-familiar stirrings of self-resentment bubbling inside him for telling Syal his business in the first place. There was a burning heat on the tip of his tongue threatening to unleash everything he wanted to say, to confide in his friend, to tell her everything he was feeling, but he bit his lip to stop himself. There was nothing she could do to help the flames that were already overwhelming him.

“Look, I just want to get this finished,” he said, trying to sound for all the world like a man simply under stress from work, avoiding the question. He dropped the papers he had been holding back on top of the table and lifted his thumb and forefinger, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Go back to bed, Sy. I’ll be alright.”

There was a moment where he thought, stubborn as she was, she might ignore this request and move towards him on the contrary, but after a long moment of hesitation, she turned on her heel and left the room without another word, tunic swishing around the corner of the living room.

Kylo slumped forward, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyelids and ignoring the wetness he felt there. Of course, the one time Sy _actually_ listened to his instructions was the one time Kylo didn’t want her to, not really. But then again, it seemed as though it had been ages since the days his friend had sat on this couch beside him, talking animatedly, cracking jokes and laughing like there was nothing else in the world that mattered as much than their trivial little lives.

He sighed, throwing the highlighter down on the table moodily. It _had_ been ages. Kylo just simply hadn’t let himself be in a position where having time for his friends could be an option. He still didn’t know when his life had gone wrong. Not definitively. It had been good in the beginning, when he and Hux started working together, when all they had to worry about was mutual respect and a burgeoning, jocular rivalry. And when they’d slept together, it had seemed like a natural progression from their slightly sparking competitiveness into a mutual attraction. For Kylo, at least. He had always found Hux pleasing to the eye, and the more he got to know him, the more Hux teased and mocked him, the more he had realized that his feelings for Hux went a little more than skin deep…

Lifting his head, he allowed himself to slump back against the plush leather and stared up at the ceiling. He ran his tongue over his lips and couldn’t help the way his thoughts drifted to his own debauched fantasies involving crushing kisses in bar bathrooms and behind closed office doors. He closed his eyes against the mental images, but opened them again quickly when the shadowy figure in his imagination stepped into the light and smirked at him.

“ _Kriff,_ ” Kylo muttered, eyes flying open, straightening up and looking back down at his datapad wearily. He typed a few lines before deleting them all, returning to the gapingly blank page, and the steady, dully blinking cursor. Every word he’d read swirled around his brain until he couldn’t remember what were words and what was him. This feeling was what had recently driven him straight to working, drinking, any distraction--but this time, as he pushed his datapad from his lap and onto the low coffee table, he let his mind drift back to Hux.

He closed his eyes again, this time allowing the tall, smirking figure in his imagination to continue stalking towards him silently, catlike, reaching out to run one long, gloved finger along his jaw. Hux leaned in, whispering silent words against his ear, the phantom feeling sending blood rushing down to Kylo’s groin. Kylo’s hand followed, caressing himself through his sweats as the fantasy built. He sighed as his hips pushed up into his grip, his hand slipping beneath the waistband once he couldn’t bear the cotton being a barrier between skin any longer.

Kylo thought of the way Hux's usually brilliantly green eyes had been so dark that night in the bar, before he'd slept with Hux properly, before he'd really known the slow, torturous heat of Hux's praise. He remembered the way Hux's gaze had skimmed across his face and danced along his body, calculating and thrillingly hungry, before Hux pushed him against the door. But here, in the relative privacy of his mind, despite his better instincts, the encounter didn’t end with Kylo pulling away. Kylo fisted his own cock, breathing heavily now, and in his mind Hux was doing the same, pulling Kylo out of his dress pants so that Hux could wrap a hot, tight hand around him, no leather glove in the way anymore. Kylo moaned low in his throat, slouching further down on the couch to be more comfortable as he jerked off unabashedly like a teenager. His other hand gripped at his dark hair as he thought about Hux's fingers interlaced with his own, a low voice whispering all sorts of filthy things into his ear as he chased his orgasm. It was quick and it was dirty and in the end, it made Kylo see stars when he finally came all over his own fist.

  
“ _Damn_ it,” he said quietly, biting his bottom lip as his cock began to soften between his fingers. When his heartbeat finally slowed and he opened his eyes he found his mind buzzing in a perfect combination of exhaustion and relief. He let out one long, slow but still shaky breath before sitting up, clumsily grabbing some tissues to clean up before he pushed himself to his feet, heading up the stairs and into his bedroom. He deposited his datapad and notes beside the sleek black briefcase on his desk and shrugged off the hoodie he was wearing, sighing again and reveling for a moment, the cool air of his dimly lit bedroom soothing against the slightly overheated skin of his bare chest. He toed off his shoes and, after glancing defeatedly at the clock on his bedside table, collapsed into bed, relieved of thoughts of Hux for now as he drifted, slowly, to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Kylo’s life up until this point had been turbulent and unstable. The son of a scoundrel who hadn’t wanted him and a mother fallen shamefully from a once honorable position of leadership, having risen to the head of a now-disgraced radical political party, the Resistance, before he’d been born. When a political scandal had exposed Han Solo’s involvement with a smuggling ring, the First Order made a final push to gain power over the Resistance party, and Leia and her son were forced to go into hiding. Leia never forgave her husband for his betrayal, and since then, Kylo’s memories of him have been  soaked with anger and hurt. Leia had raised him as best as she could, packing away her life and moving from Naboo where the Solos had lived to Coruscant, where her brother Luke ran a small law firm. Growing up in the shadows, under a false name and with the constant presence of the fear of discovery and rage at his father’s abandonment bubbling under the surface, Kylo had known he had always been waiting for _something_ — he just had no idea what that something was.

 

Until he met Hux.

 

They had been working together for two years and eight months, not that Kylo had been counting. Their partnership from the get-go was dynamic, laden with sarcastic, biting remarks, and surprisingly, highly effective. They made a good team, and together they quickly gained a reputation at the firm as being the top duo. Every big case or seven-figure lawsuit would always fall inevitably into Hux's lap, and Hux could demolish about half a dozen proceedings in a month, and win. Hux was exceptional like that, a master of strategy, control, and persuasiveness, and nobody ever questioned how he did it, not even Kylo himself.

 

Kylo wanted to be like Hux, in part because he seemed like the perfect man. He was the kind of person Kylo could see himself becoming in five, maybe ten years’ time. Successful, charming when he needed to be, shrewd and ruthlessly strategic behind closed doors, and undeniably stylish. The only flaw in his character, from Kylo’s point of view, was his slightly overblown sense of self, which wasn’t so much as annoying as it was distracting. It made it that much harder for people to notice his good qualities, and he had them, Kylo knew, even though they were overshadowed by his sense of superiority and untiring persistence. So often people mistook him and assumed with the suit, polished shoes, and his perfectly mussed hair that he was a bastard through and through.

 

But that wasn’t the case, at least not eighty-nine-point-nine percent of the time, in Kylo’s opinion. The only thing Kylo really disliked about Hux was his tendency to give him all the inventory work. More often than not, though, Kylo could work around it, but he needed at least four hours of sleep to reach a level of functionality.

 

The sleep deficiency was probably a contributing factor to Kylo’s lack of judgment, because he had arrived at work late today—not by much, but late enough that he was greeted by an impatient and scowling Hux who motioned him into his office and grilled him about the importance of punctuality, even as far as threatening his job if he didn’t learn how to keep track of company time.

 

Kylo bit his lip and refrained himself from protesting, eyes drawn to the way Hux's eyebrows furrowed and the way his jaw clenched. The way the muscles pulled and tensed beneath the skin, making the edge of his jaw even sharper and harder to ignore. Kylo swallowed the lump that had inexplicably formed in his throat and exhaled slowly, not entirely sure how they had gotten to this point, but knowing it was the same situation all over again. Hux, without a doubt, was acting like nothing had ever happened. And Kylo did the same. Only for Kylo, it was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. To continue to have Hux berate him, and pretend it wasn’t absolutely killing him to know that their one-night-stand hadn’t meant anything to him. Not a goddamn thing.

 

Seeing Hux like this now only reminded him once more how significant Hux was to him. That feeling of fire, the way it made his heart physically ache, and the way it painfully twisted his stomach into knots—it all should have been enough to make Kylo break it off, to keep the relationship strictly professional between him and his business associate. But, like so much of what he wanted, it _wasn’t_ enough. Hux was being wise enough to keep a relative distance between them, but Kylo was pretty certain he felt something just now, a brief frisson of contact that he assumed was probably nothing more than just static electricity.

 

“Are you even listening to me?” Hux looked flawless as usual in a vest and tie. A bit tired, perhaps, but otherwise pretty damn good, Kylo thought. “I expect you to be on time, _all_ the time, Ren. This isn’t like your uncle’s place on Coruscant,” Hux was saying with finality. When Kylo didn’t answer him, he sighed heavily and looked at Kylo in a disapproving way that made him appear more intimidating than he normally did.

 

“Sorry...” Kylo mumbled somberly, catching himself, his eyes cast away from the other’s man heavy gaze. If he hadn’t heard the same exact speech several times before, he would have thought it was some sort of indicator of how the day was going to go. “I was up late, and—”

 

“I don’t care,” Hux waved his hand dismissively, rolling a chair toward Kylo with his foot. Kylo closed his mouth and swallowed, repentant, as he slipped his messenger bag off his shoulder and lowered himself onto the chair, eyes trained on the desk.

 

“Do I need to teach you a lesson, Ren?” Hux's tone was deep and resolute, but underneath Kylo thought he could sense the darkness behind it, the same kind of darkness that he had felt a few nights ago when Hux had been right up against him,whispering in his ear, the same darkness that had seemed to hang in the air like a fog as Hux pounded him into his bed.

 

Kylo looked up sharply, swallowed once more, and tugged at the slightly wrinkled collar of his dress shirt, which suddenly felt far too tight. He resisted the urge to shudder and say, ‘God yes, _please_ —’

 

“No, sir,” he said instead, and he almost saw what might have been a glimpse of disappointment in Hux's face before the immaculate mask returned and he raised an eyebrow, leaning back onto the edge of his desk and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Good.” Hux said it simply, stubbornly. “Because this’s the last time I’m going to cut you any slack.”

 

Kylo didn’t miss the dangerous glint in Hux's eyes that time, or the way his own stomach cramped up again. Jesus, what was wrong with him? Now was not the time for him to be losing his shit. He should feel patronized, and a little terrified perhaps, but everything about Hux’s body language right now was suddenly making Kylo feel more than flustered, and as he stared up at him all he could think about was that night. How incredible it had felt. How incredible _Hux_ had felt.

 

“Did you read that case file over the weekend?” Hux was somehow asking him about something work-related, not that Kylo was even listening anymore. “The client will want a draft agreement by tomorrow afternoon, and in case you haven’t noticed, he’s rolling in credits, so I suggest...”

 

Kylo nodded absentmindedly, trying to concentrate, but the rest of whatever Hux was saying drifted over his head. He attempted to stifle the urge to bolt from Hux's office..

 

“...and bring me the numbers for the copyright legislation disclosure by three o’clock...”

 

His lungs were working for oxygen, but it was hard to come by with his body temperature rising, and the next thing he knew, Hux was standing deliberately above him, right up in Kylo’s personal space and practically breathing down on him. Hux was _too_ close, so close that the world felt like it was consuming him whole. Kylo met Hux's eyes when he looked up again, and Hux halted in mid-sentence, rigid. He uncrossed his arms as if wanting to reach out to Kylo in some way before they dropped to his sides in an abrupt motion like he had been burned. He backed up quickly, striding around his desk to stand behind it.

 

“Feel free to get to work, Ren. Or, by all means, you could just continue to sit there doing an outstanding impression of a lost Ewok, either way.” Hux continued conversationally, his tongue darting out to lick at his lips. Barely realizing what he was doing, Kylo licked his own lips as well, his mind slipping sideways at the sight of Hux’s tongue. But one look at Hux's usually icy green eyes turning dark was enough to remind Kylo of the things he wanted but could not have, and his stomach churned, his ears getting hot.

 

Hux cleared his throat loudly, snapping Kylo out from his trance. “Right... Work. Okay,” he stammered, straightening himself and nodding in response as he feverishly replayed Hux's words, thankful that some small part of his brain was continuing to register, even as he felt more and more of his consciousness starting to smoulder and burn with the white-hot desire bubbling from his stomach. Hux was glaring at him, head cocked to the side and lips pursed in that annoyed mannerism he often would get when people displeased him, but Kylo finally hustled himself into full gear before he could lose himself again, forced himself to turn away from those intense green eyes, and stood up, bolting from the room without a second glance.

 

He was finally able to breathe again when he was out of the vicinity of Hux's office, mind whirring and chest heaving. _What the hell that was about?_

 

There was a noticeable change in Hux that Kylo had come to realize. A shift in their relationship, evident the second his eyes caught Hux’s briefly, just moments before. With the exception of the suggestive offer to teach him a ‘lesson,’ Hux seemed to be guarded around Kylo, now more than ever. Unreasonable, clipped and too stiffly professional. Kylo and Hux had always been cordial, if a bit terse; it was a no man’s land of boundless and meaningless conversational topics, but with physical touching only used as a last resort for gaining attention when all other options were exhausted, and a swift end to the back-and-forth adversarial banter that Kylo had come to live and breathe with Hux at work and out of it. This new dynamic now, was so stilted and lacking in their usual fluid groove that Kylo had trouble navigating through it. It was throwing him off his game at work, and he was sure it was throwing Hux off of his, too.

 

Kylo drowned himself in work for the rest of the morning and into the afternoon, trying his best to distract his mind from Hux, which was no easy task. He had only two brief encounters with Hux again, and both times it was to throw more case files at Kylo for him to work through.

 

Acting indifferent to Hux's impudence, Kylo took the files from Hux with as much enthusiasm as if he had just asked Kylo to run a hundred laps around the building.

 

“...I want those proposals started before you leave here today.”

 

“Fine,” Kylo muttered disdainfully. Hux cut him a sharp glare before turning on his heels and back to his office. Kylo looked at the stack of piles on his desk and groaned, rolling his eyes. It would have been like any other ordinary day at work for Kylo, but today he didn’t feel like doing shit, if things with Hux continued on the way they did. _Kriff._ What was wrong with him? Kylo excelled at his job. Why was he letting Hux distract him? Being an associate attorney was not all it had cracked out to be, especially when Hux was as ruthless about his job—well, about making money—as he was, but Kylo enjoyed the drudgery at times and most importantly, he liked working with Hux. Or he thought he did, anyway. In fact, he would have walked on hot coals for the man if he’d asked him to, no matter how irritable and demanding he could get. At least, up until now he would have. Kylo frowned at the stacks of paper in front of him, caught up in his train of thought.

 

“Don’t _you_ look like encroaching death.”

 

Kylo had been so immersed in his own frame of mind that he hadn’t noticed a short, haughty togruta approaching him, her blue and white head tails flowing over her slender shoulders pristinely. Kylo looked up from his ever-growing workload to find Ahsoka Tano leaning over Kylo’s cubicle. She looked down at the documents splayed messily over Kylo’s desk with a contorted smirk. _Now? Really? Right now?_ he thought bitterly. He wanted nothing more than to punch her in the face, but he refrained himself from doing so, because he didn’t want his own lawsuit filed against him for workplace violence.

 

Ahsoka Tano was another associate who had been working for the firm for as long as Kylo had. She was a favorite and protégé of Lando Calrissian, another of the partners and Hux's ultimate rival. Ahsoka and Kylo at one point could have been close allies—good friends, even—but they were frequently pitted against each other, making them more like competitors than associates, and in turn Kylo didn’t very much like or respect Ahsoka. She was arrogant and a little too self-confident for his taste, going so far as to renege on an oral settlement agreement in a mock trial against Kylo in the past.

 

“Only because I could smell the fresh scent of bitch from a mile away,” Kylo retorted, throwing his pen down and leaning back into his chair. “Do you mind? You’re disturbing the peace.”

 

Ahsoka acted like Kylo hadn’t spoken a word. “Lando said you were in Hux's office this morning getting your ass whooped for being late.”

 

Kylo laughed, but it came out a little dry. “I don’t really give a fuck what Lando thinks he heard.”

 

“You’re such a pussy; it’s no wonder you got the job as his assistant,” Ahsoka said, crossing her arms in front of him. “You spend so much time with Hux, _Solo_. It makes me wonder if that’s why he lets you get away with half the shit you pull.” Ahsoka brushed an imaginary piece of lint from the sleeve of her blazer. She infuriated him. Her companionship with Calrissian meant that she was one of the few people that knew his true parentage and had the subsequent nerve to call him by his birth name—though, to her credit, she never flaunted it in front of anyone but him.

 

With increasing certainty as she droned on haughtily, Kylo knew he could knock her square on her ass. He breathed through his nose carefully and cut her off mid-sentence.

 

“You seem a little overly _invested_ in my business, Tano.”

 

She scoffed and laughed, an air of _it’s-not-just-me,-everyone-knows_ in her sneer, knowing that would only irritate him more. _Fuck this._

 

Kylo decided it was time to take a bathroom break. He stood from his chair, towering over the togruta purposefully for a moment, and turned to leave, but Ahsoka was already in front of him and grabbed his arm with surprising strength, pushing him against his desk until their positions were reversed. Kylo breathed through his nose, his patience wearing thin, and thought that he might as well just clobber Ahsoka to a pulp right there. It would serve her right.

 

“Oh, come on,” Ahsoka sneered. “We all know the only thing you have going for you is the fact you’re always ready for a fight, Solo. Although, rumor has it—”

 

From the corner of Kylo’s eyes he could see Hux's office door open in the distance, but Ahsoka was oblivious, stuck in her element.

 

“—these days you’ve become quite a talented _cocksucker_.”

 

Just at that moment, Kylo looked over Ahsoka’s shoulder and could not be simultaneously more embarrassed and more grateful that Hux was standing there, looking at Ahsoka like he wanted her head on a stick.

 

“Ren,” Hux snapped harshly, stepping into his cubicle pointedly, clearly annoyed at the scene unraveling before him. “It’s three-thirty, I expected you in my office thirty minutes ago to go over the disclosures.”

 

“I finished going through them, I just got... _distracted_ ,” Kylo whipped his head to glare daggers at Ahsoka as he emphasized the last word.

 

The corner of Hux's mouth twitched. “So I see. Go freshen up, and get me a cup of coffee. Make sure it’s got cream but no sugar, and then meet me in my office in ten minutes. No later.” Hux turned to Ahsoka. “I hear you have some complaints about my associate?”

 

Ahsoka opened her mouth, shut it, and opened it again. “I was merely telling Mr. Ren that there are rumors—”

 

“Nonsense.” Hux placed a mockingly hospitable hand to Ahsoka’s shoulder, shooting a glance at Kylo. “If you have serious concerns, we should take them to Snoke right now.”

 

Ahsoka sputtered as Hux led her away from Kylo’s desk. Kylo was relieved, finally free with his breathing space back. As he headed to the bathroom, he envisioned Ahsoka stammering nervously in front of Hux's boss, and smiled weakly to himself.

 

Nine minutes later, Kylo was back in the same chair in Hux's office, clutching a cup of coffee in his hand. He felt marginally better as he leafed through the disclosure in his lap.

Hux closed the door behind him as he entered and pulled over a chair to sit next to Kylo, their knees angling towards each other. “You should thank me, Ren.”

 

“Thank you,” Kylo said sincerely, raising his coffee up in a toast. “I hope Ahsoka got her ass handed to her?”

 

Hux cracked a small smile. “Snoke made her Mitaka’s coffee girl for the next month, since she seems to be suffering from a superiority complex. He also threatened her with a sexual harassment suit if she opens her mouth again.”

 

Kylo set the cup down on Hux's desk and rubbed his hands together in satisfaction. “Awesome. I hope that tool loves working under— I mean, _with_ Mitaka.”

 

“Somehow I get the feeling she already does,” Hux quipped, with a single eyebrow raise and a teasing smirk playing at his lips. Kylo laughed, but when Hux continued to stare at him teasingly, he paused, thinking the joke may have slightly gone over his head.

 

“Wait, are you saying something actually _is_ going on between them?” Kylo questioned, unsure of what Hux was exactly implicating with his words.

 

Hux shrugged carelessly, and Kylo expected Hux to ask for the documents, or to crack a joke about Lando losing his pet associate, or detail some great and epic thing Snoke had said to Ahsoka. Instead, to his total surprise, Hux leaned forward so that their knees were touching and reached out, pressing his fingers under Kylo’s chin, lifting it up. Hux's fingers were warm against the sensitive skin right below his jaw. Kylo froze, utterly taken aback, while Hux took his other hand and brushed his fingers tenderly along the side of Kylo’s cheek.

 

_What the—_

 

His hands were there, and then they were gone, but he could still feel the warmth in their wake, the tingle under his heated skin. Kylo closed his eyes, or perhaps they were already closed, because he was imagining those same warm, capable fingers cupping the back of his neck and pulling him in. The images were stark, vivid. He could taste it. Taste Hux's mouth, his tongue, his skin, his—

 

“Kylo?” Hux snapped his fingers in front of Kylo’s face.

 

Kylo came back to Hux's office, eyelids fluttering open, the bright light piercing. The trancelike phantom feeling of Hux's hands ripped away as unexpectedly as it had appeared. He looked up at Hux’s slightly concerned expression and before he could stop himself, his eyes flittered down Hux's body, all the way towards the mound between Hux's thighs.

 

He swallowed.

 

Realizing what that must’ve looked like, Kylo quickly looked away, avoiding the other man’s gaze as best he could. He could feel a faint blush creeping up his neck and, for want of anything to say, he wordlessly handed the disclosure to Hux, carefully keeping their fingers from brushing and crossing his legs hastily so their knees were no longer pushed against each other.

 

Now that Hux had initiated something, Kylo was on guard, waiting for something else to happen. But it didn’t. True, Hux was perhaps touching him a bit more than strictly necessary, but he never went so far as to openly indicate anything other than professionalism in his movements. _Is this some sort of weird power play?_ Kylo registered each and every touch, committing them to memory and cataloguing them away; the slaps to his arm, the warm clasp of Hux's hand on his elbow, the touches to his wrist to get his attention, companionable brushes of their shoulders...

 

Hux himself took the world by storm, commanding attention with his cutting wit and perfectly fitted suits, and he towed Kylo along for the ride. Kylo normally kept himself grounded enough to stay focus on whatever the case was at hand, the challenge, the prize, and he would jot down what he would acknowledge, what he wouldn’t give a name to. But now, something was there, just shy of reaching boiling point, under the surface like lava. At times Kylo felt as though it had already ruptured, expelling out a magma of emotions and screwing up his equilibrium whenever Hux’s green eyes flitted to catch his own. Maybe if they hadn’t fucked Kylo wouldn’t be so shaky, his nerves wouldn’t be strung as tight, and he wouldn’t be hallucinating.

 

Sometimes Hux would pause so that Kylo could interject, but Kylo was having so much trouble concentrating that by the end of the meeting, Hux ended up finishing the brief by himself, sliding the paperwork into a crisp folder and handing it over to Kylo for filing until their meeting with the client was set. Hux dismissed Kylo with a wave of his hand, and the younger man rose from his seat, holding on tight onto whatever little composure he had left and heading to the door. Hux called out, stopping him mid-way and he turned to face him, hand on the doorknob.

 

“Yes?”

 

Hux looked him over, long and thorough. Kylo would have easily mistaken Hux to be simply studying him for a bump on the head, but judging from the way Hux's eyes appeared darker than usual again, with a hint of something suggestive behind them, he had something else on his mind. Kylo’s heartbeat stuttered and he felt his face flush again slightly. He tried to not stare at Hux, but he was helpless to look anywhere else. Hux stood, and it appeared that he was going to approach Kylo, but he made no inclination to move and, after a moment, shook his head instead.

 

“Nothing,” Hux muttered, giving Kylo a fleeting glance before he turned to look out the view from the glass wall of his office. A little more loudly, he barked, “You may go.”

 

The rest of the afternoon continued in the same vein. Kylo was now busy drafting proposals for some merger and finally, when everything was wrapped up around seven-thirty, he headed into Hux's office, barely able to keep his eyes open. He had resorted to eating espresso beans in the last hour and gulping down straight black coffee, so hot it burned his throat.

 

Hux was on the phone when Kylo entered his office once more, pacing the immaculate carpet and glancing up as Kylo walked in, nodding his head in the direction on the chair in front of his desk. Kylo threw himself down on it. He was fucking exhausted. He couldn’t remember the last night he’d gotten a decent amount of sleep. He zoned out, vaguely listening to Hux arguing insistently and ruthlessly through the phone, haggling someone named Fett over a client’s business deal that Hux had apparently been misinformed about.

 

“Have I got you working too hard, Ren?” Hux asked, his fingers resting against Kylo’s neck. Kylo jerked back to attention— he must’ve dozed off for a minute there. Hux's fingers stayed firmly against his skin as he leaned over Kylo’s shoulder to look at the files on his lap.

 

“Um... no.” _Nice, Kylo_ , he thought, _well put_.

 

Hux chuckled darkly, the sound making Kylo's stomach swoop. He curled his pale fingers against the nape of Kylo’s neck and Kylo arched slightly into the touch, unable to stop himself. He couldn’t help it that his neck was an erogenous zone for him, and it was not his fault that Hux's breath, which smelled vaguely like coffee, was hot against his cheek, or that Hux's fingers were soft, even though there was a hint of power in them as they flexed against Kylo’s flesh. _God._ If Hux noticed Kylo’s back arching slightly, he did not say anything. He nodded at Kylo to open the files in his lap, and Kylo obeyed, swallowing involuntarily and explaining what he’d sorted out.

 

Hux listened closely, taking a good look at the papers and nodding approvingly again, tightening his fingers gently. Kylo’s stomach somersaulted again and he wished that this phase he was going through would just stop, would _cease and desist_ because it was starting to affect his mental state. He could not keep working like this, and Hux wasn’t making it easy, what with all the close contact he’d been giving him.

 

“Good, well done,” he said, with intent in Kylo’s ear and Kylo couldn’t help but preen at his words. He rarely got such explicit praise from his boss. But slowly, Hux’s other hand turned the chair until he was looming over him, and Kylo found himself staring up at him, praise forgotten, suddenly feeling incredibly small.

 

Hux narrowed his eyes, sliding his hand around Kylo’s neck until it was cupping his face, his thumb gliding over Kylo’s cheekbone, down across his jaw and up to the corner of his mouth. Hux's hand froze there, and Kylo’s mouth twitched involuntarily.

 

“Stand up,” Hux's voice was low and heavy, but it was neither a command nor a question—not that it mattered. Kylo would have obeyed either way. He stood up, absently letting the mound of papers fall from his lap onto the floor, his knees slightly trembling.

 

Both of Hux's hands were now cupping Kylo’s face and he dragged his thumbs across his cheeks and under his chin, tilting Kylo’s head back. Hux stepped in closer, his mouth just mere inches away, _so close_ that Kylo could practically taste him every time Hux let out a breath. Kylo slickly wetted his lips, parting them and Hux's eyes flicked over them, studying the slight pout that had formed. Hux moved in closer and Kylo readied himself in anticipation. If this was going to lead the same way it did a few nights ago, then Kylo was more than happy to hand himself in.

 

“You should go home.”

 

Hux had let go so suddenly that Kylo stumbled forward. A strong hand flat against his chest was the only thing stopping him from face planting into the piles of paperwork on the unvacuumed floor.

 

“I—?” Kylo was lost for words. Hux ran a hand down his own chest, smoothing his already militantly straightened tie. To Kylo’s bewilderment, there was a faint blush across Hux’s cheeks, and his eyes had turned a dangerous, wanton glow under the light. But he completely avoided looking into Kylo’s eyes as he walked around to sit back into his chair and spun it to face the glass wall.

 

“Go home, get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. And _don’t_ be late, Ren.” Hux's tone left no room for arguing, as per usual, and after a moment of stunned disbelief, Kylo swallowed and nodded, bending down to pick up the mess off the floor and stuffing the pile hurriedly into his bag.

 

The room was dead silent as Kylo turned to leave, and he felt nothing but raw and unsettled. Kylo was still scratching his head as he left the building and slid into a transport. He rested his head against the cool, seamless glass of the window, wondering what was going through Hux's mind. Kylo had never had the natural ability to read people, to determine what they were thinking and bend them to his will. After seeing what people like his father could do to the ones he claimed to love, Kylo didn't want to. He wanted to be a good person. In a way, his kindness and his vulnerability was something of an instinct to rebel against his father's manipulation; a last fuck-you to the man, a refusal to live the type of life his father had. But he was certain, now, from the strangeness of his usually methodical and hyper-disciplined actions, that Hux was probably going through something akin to what he was. Three times today, he'd left Kylo confused and reeling. He let out a sigh against the glass, absently running a long finger across the foggy surface. He didn't know how much longer this would last, and the thought of confronting Hux still made his pulse quicken unsteadily, but as he watched the city whip by below him, grey and unfeeling, he mostly just wanted the suspense to be over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kylo. He just needs to get laid again. Hux isn't *trying* to be a tease, not explicitly, it just sort of happens that way when Kylo's being unwittingly adorable. (He's having an emotional crisis, okay?)
> 
> beta-d by the amazingly talented (and gorgeous!) [finalizer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/finalizer/) <3


	3. Chapter 3

The little sushi place was where it all began. It was about eight months ago, on a hot summer’s day and the street outside the restaurant was bustling, humans and aliens alike going about their ways. Kylo had automatically ordered Hux's sushi with the Firaxan shark that he liked, and ordered his own with Selkathian seaweed. Hux was in the middle of a tirade, something about a client holding a concealed off-planet account and how said person would pay dearly with their life. Kylo hadn’t really been paying much attention, instead quietly admiring  the way the midday sunlight streaming through the window shone in Hux’s bright red hair.

 

Hux reached out for the plate as Kylo handed it to him, still talking, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration and anger. As Kylo passed it over, thanking the Balosar waitress, their fingers touched. It was just that— just their fingers; quick and careless. It wasn’t any sort of revelation, but it was at that moment that Kylo could see the scintillation between them, could feel the fission of energy that crawled its way under his skin and set his body alight.

 

Hux had stopped speaking abruptly and Kylo caught the fleeting look of confusion on his face. Hux would often remind him that he could always tell what Kylo was thinking, but in that moment, Kylo had not been thinking. At all. There was no thought, no reproach, just a flood of sudden panic surging through him.

 

Kylo didn’t have the slightest idea of what to do, and in his nervousness accidentally shoved two pieces of sushi in his mouth at once.

 

Hux's eyes had narrowed, brow furrowing as he studied Kylo, a look Kylo had often seen Hux give to clients with hopeless cases. Kylo had expected a question, or some sort of callous remark, but Hux only rolled his eyes and continued outlining the retribution against the defendant, careful to keep his hands well away from Kylo’s.

 

Kylo woke up today feeling troubled, his shoulders aching, thinking back to that cramped sushi bar, frowning. He’d had difficulty sleeping last night again. Whatever had almost happened the evening before was still heavy on his mind. Kylo had spent the entire night with a cramped, restless feeling, flashing through a catalog of ideas on how he could bring it up in conversation with Hux, whether he would put the question out there gradually, subtly—or if he was going to grow some balls and be bold enough to call Hux out on it.

 

He started the day with a freshly brewed cup of coffee and an apple. He made it into work before Hux, so as to avoid being rebuked at and to give him the benefit of the doubt. Kylo entered his boss’ office and deposited the coffee—cream, no sugar—onto the coaster on the desk, a slight shudder running down his back as he inhaled the trails of the woodsy scent of Hux's probably-ridiculously-expensive cologne lingering in the air.

 

He stood there and pondered how much longer Hux was going to keep up their façade. The ‘not at work’ thing was…understandable, he supposed—but he didn’t want to believe that Hux would _never_ discuss it. It _had_ to be discussed at some point. All that remained was how long would Kylo have to wait for temptation to overtake him, forcing him to slip up and fall to his knees, _begging_ Hux to touch him, to take Kylo into his godsent arms and bend him over the mahogany desk, or shove him hard against the surface of a wall and have his way with him. He didn’t know where these thoughts were coming from but they were there now, stuck in his head and _fuck it_ , he could not get them out no matter how hard he tried.

 

It was safe to say that he was momentarily preoccupied, a mistake on his behalf, when he was caught by surprise and nearly spilled his scalding drink on himself when Hux barged in, trenchcoat sweeping behind him like a dramatic billowing cape.

 

“Good morning, Ren,” Hux sounded like his usual, arrogant, and overbearing self as he strode past him on the way to his desk, peeling away his outerwear and throwing it hastily over his coat rack. Kylo greeted Hux politely as always and patiently watched him set his briefcase on his desk, before reaching for his face to take off his aviators.

 

Hux's eyes directly landed on the coffee, raising a questionable eyebrow at Kylo.

“Dark roast, cream, no sugar, from the shop down the block,” Kylo said immediately, not catching Hux's gaze as he took a seat and smoothed a hand down the length of his tie. There was a brief pause as Hux reached for the steaming cup. 

“If I had known all it took to get a cup of coffee and for you to be on time was to reprimand you, I would have done it on your first day,” Hux said evenly, sipping from the cup with a deceptively mild expression. Kylo choked on his own saliva.

 

_Smooth_.

 

“Um...” Kylo frowned, fidgeting with the end of his tie nervously and cursing himself internally for being so predictably pathetic this early in the morning. He had been so confident and sure of himself just moments before when he’d walked through the door. But that all disappeared as soon as Hux entered, stealing away his cool demeanor and replacing it with his own burning sun. Kylo felt overpowered and completely exposed. Hux smiled slightly, unbeknownst to the devastation he was already causing. Kylo tried again.

 

“Um, Brendol...” Kylo wanted to bash his head against the nearest hard surface when he realized how desperate he sounded, his voice small and somewhat breathy. It went against his character—he could usually find the brave hero inside him whenever it was needed. And yet, as if by some sort of illusion, or perhaps due to the angle of the lighting around the room, Kylo swore he could see Hux's smirk grow wider. Hux pulled out his chair and leaned over his desk, looming over Kylo in a way that was meant to be intimidating, except it failed in short, and Kylo only interpreted it as massively erotic.

 

“Personally, _Ren_ , I’m partial to you addressing me a bit more _formally._ But I think we could work up to first-name terms, don’t you?” Hux sounded amused and cocky, but there was a suggestion of seriousness in his tone, too.

 

Kylo responded with a bleak smile and Hux chuckled softly, surprising Kylo. It was right on the tip of his tongue what he so badly wanted to ask Hux; what he so desperately wanted to say and what he so recklessly wanted to do. But Kylo felt like he was probably getting ahead of himself. The idea of bringing it up unexpectedly seemed like the most moronic thing now. He managed to swallow his words and settled for a dry cough instead.

 

Oblivious to Kylo’s discomfort, Hux glanced down and started rifling through the papers and folders on his desk. Kylo could only presume he was about to be handed another case. He groaned internally. It was too early, he was still too tired and the outlook of having to process yet an additional lawsuit exhausted him just thinking about it. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take before his head exploded in an array of verbal blasphemy.

 

“I know it seems menial given that we have about a dozen cases already,” Hux began, looking at Kylo’s sour expression with an equally unpleasant display, “but this is one of our biggest clients, and it’s an emergency.”

 

Kylo took a moment to take it all in. Hux was sex in silver. There was no better way to describe him. Technically, his suit and vest ensemble were a charcoal grey, but in Kylo’s eyes Hux could make even the darkest and dullest colors shine. He complemented the silver of his suit perfectly with a light lavender shirt, matching purple tie, and a neatly folded pocket square. Hux had styled his hair into a blunted tousled swoop. Kylo liked it when Hux's hair looked untamed, when it fell naturally around his ears and along the nape of his neck as it sometimes did at the end of a long day’s work, the strands tickling Kylo’s face as he rested his own head next to his and—okay, so Kylo found him insanely attractive, what else was new?

 

_Focus._

 

“This time money is missing at a biotech company—incidentally, run by Jabba and his people. I know, I know,” he put up a hand defensively, anticipating Kylo’s irritated groan, “but, even though I admit he’s a bastard, he’s got the money behind that disgusting mouth, and he has specifically asked _us_ , as a firm, to trace the source of the missing funds and deal with it. Quickly and quietly,” Hux stepped from behind his desk and paced back and forth while addressing Kylo in his well-practiced, militant tone. “I took the case from Snoke because there is no way in hell I will have _Calrissian_ ”—he spat the word—“get his paws on it, be he a financial guru or not...”

 

Kylo did his best to remain deeply engrossed and nodded appropriately when Hux would say something momentous about the case. But he cared more about the fact that Hux's voice made him simultaneously want to crawl inside the other man and sink into a puddle on the carpet. It was low, smooth, and rumbling with every consonant and syllable. Hux could be speaking Mando’a for all he cared, as long as he continued in that deep tenor. Kylo licked his lips slowly and leaned comfortably back into the seat, watching the way Hux's eyes were fixed on his as he droned on.

 

“So, is there any input before you get started?”

 

Hux was observing him with a calculating look; Kylo recognized the way his eyebrows were slightly furrowed, creating familiar lines on his forehead. He froze, quickly replaying in his mind the last minutes in the frantic hope to find a hint, something that could suggest to him why Hux was watching him like that. But he found nothing.

Kylo shook his head and stood, meeting the other’s man’s height and then some. It was the only slight advantage he’d ever had over Hux, and he held steadfast to it now, determined to prove himself. “No, B—sir. Everything sounds good. I’ll get right to it.” Hux's expression softened and he nodded approvingly, handing Kylo the folder in his hand.

 

The touch wasn’t much. But it was just enough. The fleeting gesture, the hand on the shoulder with his fingers pressed slightly then dragging along the suit of Kylo's jacket. That was just enough of a tether to weigh him down where he felt like he might just come apart with all the sort of wonder and emotions that had been whirling through him after last night.

 

“Good. I appreciate it, Kylo,” he smiled, sincerely. Kylo felt his heart lift at the deliberate use of his first name, even in spite of his greater confusion. It was clear most of the time in the way Hux looked at him or in the tone of what he said, but to actually be told he was valued was something he appreciated hearing every now and again.

 

It was strange to see it before his eyes, to see Hux going from being his clever, competitively hardworking-but-successful boss to becoming someone entirely different; overly condescending and strict—and then back to someone Kylo had the leisure of being with intimately. Kylo wondered if, somehow, he had been the reason, if he was one of the few who could make Hux's mask of professionalism slip, even if for just a second.

 

For a long time they stared at each other, so close now that Hux appeared almost out of focus, their breaths in sync and heavy as if the only oxygen left in the world was the space enclosed between them. Hux moved forward still, closing the gap until his lips were only an inch from Kylo’s. Suddenly they were right back where they’d been the previous evening, and Kylo was finding it hard to resist the sudden desire manifesting itself within him. Unfortunately, along the way, other things were starting to get hard, too. _Damn it_. As if Hux would fail to notice that right now. Kylo could practically taste him. All he needed to do was lick his lips and Hux would be there, sweet and hot against his mouth.

 

“I expect a brief on your findings drafted and on my desk before you leave today,” Hux said, his voice pitched low and suddenly Kylo was attentive, senses heightened, skin tingling from Hux's hand still touching him, thinking more clearly than ever before.

 

Kylo decided right then and there that if there was ever a time to be bold, now was it. But before he could even take his chance, before he could even make a move, he was rudely interrupted by Hux's secretary’s voice over the intercom, announcing he had a call on line two for a Mr. Tarkin Jr. and a meeting with Lando in fifteen. Hux blinked, the warmth and darkness that was there seconds ago gone, the small fiery moment that they were having shattered.

 

Hux moved away, letting out an exasperated sigh. He walked back around his desk and picked up the receiver, waving a hand in the direction of the door, a silent dismissal that Kylo understood well enough. Knowing that he should not need be told twice, he tripped a little over his own feet as he scampered out of the office and to his cubicle.

 

It was possibly the longest morning of Kylo’s entire life. The hours that went by were agonizing; he found it torturous to focus on the numbers that danced across his vision, swirling like stars around a black hole. Kylo was only procrastinating out of world-weariness, to be honest. He was less than overjoyed about the task set before him. He wondered how anybody working as a paralegal had the tolerance to sit motionlessly and look at statistics all day, five days a week. Hux never had much patience with numbers, so by some sort of lawyer logic, the repetitive task fell onto Kylo. All of which would be fine, if the numbers weren’t putting him to sleep.

 

Hux had pretty much left Kylo to his own devices. The 11 o’clock meeting with Lando that went on his office was nothing typical, but a conflict of opinion soon escalated into a heated argument with Lando _and_ Snoke. The rapid rise in all three voices could be heard through the office walls and out into the bullpen where Kylo was situated. It was not uncommon practice for Hux and Lando to dictate how one would approach a lawsuit or to vocalize their personal judgment about a client. Snoke’s involvement, however, meant that it was serious this time, and Kylo, who was never slow to catch on, knew exactly that it had to do with the case file he held in his current possession. With a wad of paper in one hand, highlighter in the other and lid dangling from his lower lip, Kylo redoubled his efforts and attempted to block out the obtuse noise and focus instead on the work at hand, his hair tied into a loose ponytail at the base of his neck.

 

Lando barreled out of Hux's office in a huff a few minutes later, following close behind Snoke, muttering what Kylo was sure were colorful profanities under his breath in a language Kylo couldn’t understand as he slammed the door to Hux's office in frustration. Snoke spun briefly on his heel and whispered something to the much taller man with an ominous expression that spoke volumes, a warning perhaps, that if Lando caused a scene there would be dire consequences. Snoke turned back to leave a glowering Lando standing in the bullpen, and Kylo steered his eyes from his work in time to catch a quick glance at the scene before him, but soon regretted doing so as his eyes found the other man’s.

 

The look Lando gave him was one of insolence as he stomped towards him. Kylo swiftly but smoothly grabbed a folder from the towering stack on his desk that was threatening to topple over, and placed it over the biotech case file in front of him, hiding it from Lando’s view.

 

Lando stood there looking down at Kylo and demanded, not asked, not even remotely considered to be polite, but _demanded_ Kylo go to lunch with him.

 

“No, Calrissian. I don’t know why you think you can just pull me away from Hux's work. I’m not your assistant.”

 

Lando gave Kylo a sneer, arms crossed as he loomed over his cubicle. “First of all, reviewing old contracts is not exactly vital work. More importantly,” Lando plowed on, undeterred to Kylo’s eye roll of annoyance, “it tells me that you are nowhere near as indispensable to Hux as you evidently imagine. But don’t worry. I’m about to give you a chance to become even more indispensable to me, which I hope you’ll come to realize in time is every bit as desirable, if not more so, than your slavish devotion to Hux.”

 

“Slavish?” Kylo scoffed, brutally suppressing the urge to scowl. “Come on, Lando. That’s just...” His thoughts derailed as he explored the resulting image a little too long. He closed his eyes briefly, marshaling patience. “Wait, shouldn’t Ahsoka be accompanying you instead?” Kylo asked, feigning innocence. He knew better than to wisecrack too much at him, but he wasn’t going to give Lando the satisfaction of letting him be the boss of him either.

 

“Ahsoka, unfortunately, has a prior engagement to attend,” Lando deadpanned, “therefore, I need you to come with me. Now, _Solo_.”

 

Kylo flushed darkly, furious about the name, but rather than let his temper get the better of him, he continued to try to convince Lando that he could not go because he had _very_ important things to get done for Hux. Lando shot him a bored look, as if what Kylo just said was the most insignificant and irrelevant thing anybody had ever told him. Kylo would’ve been more than glad to put a bullet in his own head, rather than do anything for Lando, but regrettably he had to forgo that option. Lando was being an ass, as usual—with admittedly reasonable capabilities and a strong work ethic, but an asshole nonetheless.

 

Regardless of how much Kylo disliked Lando, if a partner of a law firm told him to jump off a bridge, he would have to at least seriously consider doing it, even if there were qualms about it in the long run. Kylo let his gaze wander over the stack of documents on his desk and the three boxes of inventory crowding his feet that he had yet to open, resigned to another late night at the office after he performed whatever annoying task Lando had in store for him. Sighing heavily, and knowing all too well he would feel sorry for himself later, he dropped the highlighter from his hand, grabbing his suit jacket, and followed Lando.

 

Lunch with Lando was pretty much what Kylo had predicted lunch with Lando would be like, only worse. The potential clients they were having lunch with kept prying into Kylo’s private business about his family and friends, and he had a sneaking suspicion they knew who his parents were. Kylo could only be polite and steer the conversation elsewhere, but they were relentless, and Lando kept stabbing an elbow into Kylo’s ribs, giving him wide-eyed death glares, trying to encourage him to converse, but it became too much for Kylo, so much so that he had to excuse himself to use the men’s room.

 

He turned the faucet on cold, and splashed the icy water over his face, staring at himself in the mirror with disappointment. In his hurry, he had neglected to tell Hux that he had to leave the office. He could picture clearly the inevitable scowl on Hux's face when Kylo eventually tells him about his rendezvous with the adversary. To Kylo’s relief, Hux categorically tried to involve Kylo in Lando’s dealings as little as possible. But sometimes Hux would forget to take into account that, since Lando was an overseer for the all other associates, he could automatically draw a string on Kylo whenever he wanted, even though Hux had specifically chosen Kylo as his own pupil when he landed the promotion (a promotion which, Kylo knew, Lando believed should have been rightly his).

He only now realized that Lando had most likely invited Kylo to lunch just to chastise Hux. There were other associates he could have easily summoned. The idea that Lando  singled out Kylo only because of who he worked for, as opposed to his intelligence, gave Kylo another reason to add to his list of why he would never work for somebody like him.

 

“What the hell were you thinking, Solo?” Lando busted into the bathroom, startling Kylo, who was still leaning over the sink, elbows resting on the counter. “I’m not sure what Hux is teaching you, but when a client asks you a question, the protocol is to answer it.”

 

Kylo gritted his teeth. The way Lando pronounced his former name always ended up sounding like an accusation. He took a deep breath, letting it puff out of him in a frustrated sigh. “Since when was it my job requirement to talk about my personal life?” Kylo lifted his eyes to look at Lando’s reflection.

 

“It’s your job requirement when I _tell_ you it’s your job requirement. Just like not ditching a meeting is also a job requirement. Hux didn’t teach you that one either, I presume? Not surprising.”

 

“I really just have a bad feeling about this,” Kylo whined in aggravation, feeling a headache burning behind the back of his eyes.

 

Lando grimaced and looked at him with pure animosity. “Aww. Poor baby. Oh wait, I don’t care. Suck it up, Solo. You’re lucky we had my charm to fall back on, otherwise that could have been a total disaster. Now let’s go, before you screw something else up.”

 

“Fine,” Kylo bit back, wiping a hand over his forehead. “But next time, get someone else if you find me so dissatisfying.”

 

“Don’t get cocky with me, kiddo,” Lando snapped, suddenly reminding Kylo achingly of his father. “Unless you want to spend the rest of your career working in the back of the mailroom.” He stormed out of the bathroom.

 

Kylo was sure that most of Lando’s animosity towards him was probably coming from Lando’s lingering resentment from his relationship with Kylo's father, probably before Kylo had even been born. But knowing that didn’t make it any less easier for him, and he didn’t dare bring it up to him, with the position that Lando held at the firm. And so, teeth gritted, he walked back out to the clients and their questions, determined to show Lando he wasn’t going to play his game. He hated his father just as much as Lando probably did, anyway.

 

It was much later in the afternoon by the time Kylo finally returned to the office. He barely made it out of the elevator when he found himself face to face with Hux's very pretty secretary, telling him in a less than serious tone that Hux had been searching for him for the past hour. Kylo felt his insides churn as the thought of this morning’s encounter flashed through his head, and he wondered hopefully, albeit not naïvely, that perhaps the reasoning for his summoning was so he and his boss could continue where they had left off.

He didn’t even bother with a cursory knock. Kylo strode right into his office and stood before him.

 

“You wanted to see me?”

 

“Where were you, Ren?” Hux asked brusquely, without looking from the stack of papers strewn all over his desk. He sounded annoyed. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you.”

Of course, Kylo wasn’t surprised in the slightest, but it didn’t stop his frustration at  Hux's treatment of him. As if proving a point to remain entirely and infuriatingly professional was doing them both a favor.

 

Holding himself accountable, nevertheless, Kylo was prepared for whatever backlash Hux would conjure up this time. “Well, it was Lando actually. He had me go to—”

 

“Wrong answer, Ren.” And true to Kylo’s prediction, Hux glanced up from his work with an impressive frown on his face. “The _correct_ answer is that you weren’t _here._  Where you were supposed to be. If you’re not here to do the work I need you to do, then why the hell did I hire you in the first place?”

 

“It just kind of... happened,” Kylo said with a shrug. “What can I say, I’m sorry?”

 

“How incredibly considerate of you,” Hux flared, and he stood up abruptly, eliciting a reflexive jump from Kylo. A piece of paper he had been holding slipped out of the file in his hand and fluttered to the floor. Kylo bent down to pick it up. “And what is that?” Hux asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Uh, nothing—” he began, but then jutted his lip, deciding, just this once, to fight back. “They’re just the numbers I drew up for _the job I was working on_.” And, suddenly, throwing more caution to the winds, he added sarcastically, “—which I _loved_ , with all my heart.” Hux was suddenly close behind him, reaching out in front of Kylo and snatching the file from his hands.

 

“This is for Lando,” Hux said acridly, and it was not posed as a question. Kylo nodded curtly and Hux leaned forward, passing the papers back to him, his chest pressed slightly against Kylo’s back, breathing hot right into his ear causing an electrical current to rush through the blood in his veins as he shivered.

 

“Do I need to remind you who you work for, Ren?” Hux whispered lowly and dangerously. With a firm grip on his shoulder, Hux spun him around to face him directly. The file left Kylo’s hand once more and he swallowed thickly, his breath falling short, finding the knot on Hux's tie fascinating all of a sudden, until Hux lifted a finger under his chin, angling his head up. “Well? _Do I_?”

 

Kylo was taller—give or take a few inches—but standing there, in all his glory and at full height, Hux seemed to tower high above him. Kylo consequently felt undersized and somewhat helpless, but he wasn’t entirely averse to the feeling, truth be told. Perhaps Hux sensed something, whether it was the way Kylo bit his lip, or the fact that he responded involuntarily by canting his hips forward slightly, seeking some sort of friction. Hux’s eyes narrowed. He had his hand pressed against the center of his chest and with a hard and sudden shove, Kylo was pushed backwards, his backside slamming into the edge of Hux's desk. It was almost hard enough to hurt, the slight pain sending another thrilling pulse through him that went all the way down to his traitorous dick.

“No, sir,” he managed to say and Hux stepped forward, slipping a thigh between Kylo’s legs and rubbing purposefully into his crotch. Kylo choked back a moan and Hux grabbed Kylo by his wrists, fingers pressed to his pulse, his grasp strong and powerful in a way that Kylo understood without having to think as _don’t move._

 

Hux placed both of Kylo’s hands palms down behind him on the surface of the polished wood. “Leave them there,” he said quietly, and Kylo could only nod obligingly as Hux loosened his grip and trailed his hand up the length of his forearm.

 

“You work for  _me_ ,” he said lowly, but totally resolute, his hand right on the curve of Kylo’s elbow.

 

“I know,” Kylo replied, “But—”

 

“No talking,” he hushed, his eyes narrowing again and Kylo nodded once more, flexing his fingers to stop himself from grabbing Hux by the collar of his shirt and rutting up against his thigh.

 

Hux's palm was hot and smooth against his cheek, the pad of his thumb soft against the skin under Kylo’s eyes. His fingers traveled down his face, past his scattering of dark freckles, and then across his parted lips. Kylo blew out a light breeze of air, feeling the temperature around them increasing as Hux moved in closer, shifting his thigh slightly, pressing in a little more. Kylo shut his eyes and drew in another deep breath. It was nowhere near pressure, but he felt like he was about to explode.

 

“Look at me,” Hux breathed, and Kylo snapped his eyes open. Hux's eyes seemed to be pitch black with lust, and they sloped downwards in a way that should have made them look kind—though at the moment he looked anything but.

 

Kylo’s hands were beginning to tingle as the blood flowed down his arms. Hux moved one hand to grasp Kylo’s hip, digging his fingers in slightly and Kylo writhed, trying to get closer, but Hux's grip was uncompromising. His hand on Kylo’s face slid back, slowly pulling his Kylo’s hair loose from its ponytail and then snaking around the back of his neck, dragging him closer until Hux swam out of focus and all Kylo could see was a blur of gorgeously smooth skin and ginger hair. Hux's breath was warm and—Kylo realized with a leap of joy— familiar against Kylo’s lips.

 

The rest of Kylo’s surroundings seemed to melt away until all that was left was his frantic pulse and his breath, every sense fixated on Hux. He smelled strong, rousing, and dark.

 

_Yeah,_ he thought.  _That’s what it is._ Even though it was bright where they were, Hux smelled like the dark. Dangerous, but calculated; and far from reckless. Kylo was overwhelmed with a fierce desire to get lost in it, to never find his way home, to be lost together with Hux in a world where they were the only planet and moon orbiting around the sun forever.

 

Kylo parted his lips, breathing out with a wispy noise that might have possibly been a _please_ _sir_ before Hux's lips finally melted against his. It was almost chaste, the way their mouths were pressed. Kylo could feel the way Hux's fingers tightened against his body; the way Hux shifted his thigh teasingly again. Kylo groaned eagerly into Hux's mouth and Hux responded by pushing his tongue inside, licking at the roof of his mouth and digging his thumb into the tender flesh under Kylo’s chin.

 

Kylo’s heart was pounding sporadically now. He was hot all over, the fire in his chest suddenly stoked to blazing. The clothes on his own skin felt like soot. It was as if Hux had flicked a switch, setting every molecule inside of him so starkly aflame with those hands and perfect lips, and he couldn’t possibly resist.

 

He wanted to be fused to him, for Hux's kisses to burn him right to the core until they were nothing but a collection of scattering spectral lights and stars. He was almost literally swept away, immersed in the heat of Hux everywhere around him. But as powerful as he was with a hard grip around Kylo’s neck and hip, there was a tenderness underneath it that made Kylo’s knees go weak. He continued to rub his thigh against Kylo through his trousers, and it was driving him crazy. Hux gave one last push of his thigh, then he pulled away.

 

Kylo stared at him, breathless. Hux’s pupils were dilated as he ran his thumb over Kylo’s lips again, and it slid easily through their mixed saliva. It wasn’t supposed to feel this hot, but somehow Hux's heavy gaze made it feel like everything had reached beyond its boiling point.

 

“I have a meeting with Snoke,” Hux said, dropping his hand from Kylo’s face, squeezing once at his hip, and just like that, it felt like a comet had come and destroyed paradise, leaving Kylo lonely and abandoned in space. Hux shoved his hands into the pockets of his dress pants and was already halfway to the door before Kylo had enough brainpower to speak.

 

“ _Seriously_? All that and you’re just going to leave?” he asked incredulously, before he could stop himself, and Hux didn’t even turn to address him as he pulled the door open.

 

“Remember who you work for, Kylo—and I want that brief on my desk by tonight,” he spoke over his shoulder as the door clicked shut behind him.

 

Following a few seconds of shocked silence, Kylo groaned frustratedly let his head fall back, bringing his hands forward and rubbing at his wrists, flexing his fingers in attempt to ward off the pins and needles he could feel beginning to prickle under his skin. His hip was throbbing dully where Hux had pressed a little too hard, and Kylo was pretty sure he was going to have a bruise there tomorrow.

 

He didn’t know if that _should_ have made him feel incredibly turned on, but it definitely did.

 

He settled on being okay with that as he walked out of the office and back to his cubicle. It was all so useless and silly at this point. He was too blissed out and aroused to concentrate on anything. But it didn’t stop him from trying. He had a sudden passionate instinct to finish the brief for Hux, regardless.

 

It was around seven o’clock at night by the time Kylo finally finished the brief. He packed up his bag and shrugged on his coat, intending to drop it off and leave as quickly and painlessly as possible after the frustrating encounter last night. Hux was almost at the disheveled stage when Kylo walked into his office. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his shirt unbuttoned around the neck, and his tie loosened around the collar. His brilliantly red hair was no longer tamed in its style from earlier that day--it had become tousled with locks falling freely over his forehead. It made Kylo’s head spin slightly to see Hux like this, nearly the exact picture of what he’d fantasized about that morning.

 

Hux didn’t even look up when Kylo rapped lightly on the wood of the opened door.

“You’re still here?” he asked sharply, pinching at the bridge of his nose and staring down at the papers scattered all over the floor and coffee table. Kylo walked over and extended an arm to hand over the folder containing the brief, but Hux made no effort to reach out or to acknowledge him.

 

Feeling resolved to not let Hux's discourtesy get to him, Kylo set his bag down and took off his trench coat, earning a surprised look from Hux as he looked up at him. Kylo folded it over the chair and suddenly felt a sharp pang in his chest at seeing the weary look in his boss’ eyes. The man always piled too much on his plate, and even after most of the employees had gone for the day to their mundane lives, Hux was usually the only one who stayed back at work until the very late hours of the evening. He was that dedicated to his job, and always had been, as far as Kylo could remember. It was difficult not to idolize him.

 

“What do you need?” Kylo asked, sitting on the floor in front of the pile of paper. Hux looked relieved for a second. There were light rings under his eyes that Kylo didn’t remember seeing earlier today.

 

“Food,” Hux said simply, with a small smile.

 

Two hours later they were still there, cold pizza, cold coffee, and room temperature cans of Red Bull littering every surface that wasn’t covered in papers. Hux was back at his desk and Kylo was now sitting on the chair in front of it when he punched a triumphant fist into the air.

 

“Yes! I am the _king_ of escape clauses,” he announced and Hux was by his side in an instant as Kylo explained what it was that he had found. Hux's hand was pressing down onto his shoulder and Kylo lost his train of thought when Hux squeezed gently, thumb running over his pulse point in a way that appeared innocent.

 

“Keep going,” Hux urged when Kylo stuttered over the words. Kylo cleared his throat loudly, sucking in a deep breath to calm himself, and carried on speaking. Hux moved his hand over and rested it on the back of Kylo’s head, his fingers tenderly intertwining through the strands at the nape of his neck. The power of Hux's touch ignited his body and Kylo wondered if he knew his neck was a weak spot. He probably did, and was doing it on purpose, too. He seemed to know all of Kylo’s weak spots, both physically and metaphorically.

 

“Stop,” Hux commanded after two more painstaking minutes. Kylo stopped immediately, biting down on his bottom lip as Hux released him and straightened up. “Well, Ren. You’ve certainly impressed—”

 

But Kylo could no longer stand this. He threw the piece of paper aside and rose from his seat, lunging himself against Hux, throwing his arms around the other man’s neck and capturing his lips with the intention of never letting go.

 

Hux froze for a second, startled, but then melted into him, his body losing all tension as he kissed Kylo back, hungry and frantic, lips all wet, lewd, and molding perfectly to his. The sensation Kylo was feeling was beyond words. It felt like every particle of his being had obliterated and then regenerated. Like light and darkness together. Like a solar eclipse, Correllia and its moons lining up perfectly with the bright star of their sun. Like this world would end if they stopped, and would end if they didn’t. Hux instantly had their bodies pinned together, and his hands pressed firm and unyielding against the curve of Kylo’s back. Hux pushed his thigh between Kylo’s legs again, and Kylo bit down into Hux's lip, his arms gripping him tighter as their tongues lashed out to meet.

 

Hux was grinding into his hip, and Kylo grinded back eagerly. It was all so, _so_ fucking overwhelming. They were rocking together like gravity pulling on planets. Kylo released something that may have been a moan, or a breathy call of Hux's name. He didn’t know. He wasn’t thinking. He didn’t even care. All he knew was that he couldn’t breathe, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He was sinking to a black hole, drowning in the paradoxically glowing darkness of Hux’s eyes and all he knew was that wanted to _stay_ there.

 

“Kylo,” Hux called to him in between intakes of breath, “Do you think you could... do you want to…?” Kylo broke away slightly, panting, staring at Hux, distracted again. He could have probably done without the words. Kylo knew exactly what he was propositioning just by the way he gestured.

 

“Hux, we’re in your office,” Kylo pointed out, as if that wasn’t entirely obvious to the both of them.

 

“So?”

 

“What if... I mean, wouldn’t you prefer somewhere more discreet?”

 

“ _Discreet_?” Hux shook the hair out of his eyes, looking at him insidiously. “I think we’re a little beyond discreet, Kylo. But if you’re that worried about it, then don’t bother with it, it’s fine.”

 

“No... it’s just—I mean, I’ll do it, Hux. For you.” And Kylo flicked out his tongue slickly, wetting his lips to prove a point.

 

Hux paused for a moment, seeming to mull something over in his head. “Good,” he said finally, and took a step back, his hands already moving to undo his pants. Kylo obediently dropped down to his knees, positioning himself in front of Hux between his legs.

 

Kylo didn’t mind it a single bit. He liked it. Actually, he _really_ liked it. Just the sensation alone of having Hux’s cock fat and heavy in his mouth, and the acceptance that he was at Hux’s total mercy, was almost enough to complete him. Even though his knees ached, he didn’t want to stop halfway through—he could tell that Hux was enjoying it and that was his intention. Telling him how good he was in between moans, how unbelievable he was, how _beautiful your lips look around me like that, Ren_  and how _you're perfect, Ren, so_ _fucking perfect_. That kind of praise shouldn’t have meant as much as it did. It shouldn’t have meant anything at all, really. But it did; it did to Kylo. Hearing those words bleed from Hux's mouth was what made it all worth it, his own erection growing by the second. Hux's soft, strong hands gently gathered Kylo's hair into a loose ponytail in his hands, brushing his dark curls back from his forehead and moaning slightly as Kylo gazed up at him, canting his hips slightly forward, seemingly in spite of himself. 

 

Kylo continued to grip him tightly, hollowing his cheeks and sucking a little more desperately now, swirling his tongue, spit dripping lewdly from his mouth. He didn’t want their time together to end; he didn’t want Hux to let him leave. If they broke apart, if Hux wasn’t here with him, if the flow of their rhythm stopped even for just a second, then he would see how Hux was unseeingly destroying him. Slowly and corrosively. Everything he was, everything he would ever become, annihilated. Hux had the power and Hux had slashed him open and cut out his heart.

 

Hux _was_ the sun, red and burning, utterly destroying and taking him with him into the heart of it, _showing him_. And the sun left a pile of ashes to burn in its wake, burn away and become nothing but dark, airless space.

 

_Nothing_.

 

Kylo waited until Hux was completely flaccid before he withdrew, tucking Hux back into his pants and zipping them up for him deftly. Lifting off his knees, he wiped his essence mixed with his own saliva from the corner of his mouth, a little lightheaded. He wobbled slightly, and the suffering in his chest was torturous; he knew they were now at the moment where they pretended nothing had just happened. So he stayed silent, avoiding Hux’s gaze as he walked to the sofa. Kylo slipped his arms into the sleeves of his trench coat and slid it over his shoulders. He glanced over at Hux fleetingly to see Hux’s outstretched hand drop to his side. Hux cleared his throat. Kylo’s fingers moved up the buttons of his trenchcoat dully, head still slightly buzzing.

 

“Do you want my droid to drop you off at your place?”

 

There was a long, almost painfully drawn-out silence.

 

“Kylo?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I asked you a question. Do you want a ride to your place?”

 

“No. I can take a transport home,” Kylo said softly, continuing to button up his jacket. After the fire, he was only ash. Hopelessly, achingly _cold,_ formless, waiting to be blown away in the dark.

 

“You sure? It’s kind of cold out to be waiting for one.”

 

Sometimes Kylo thought Hux could read his mind.

 

“I’m fine, Hux. Thank you.” Kylo grabbed his messenger bag and headed towards the doorway.

 

“Hey, Kylo— wait.”

 

“ _What?_ ” he asked, turning around to look at Hux with a glare this time. _Do you really have to drag this out?_ Hux looked a little nonplussed.

 

“Are you…okay?”

 

_Now he asks._

 

“Really, I’m fine,” Kylo said, forcing a half-smile on his face. Hux stared at him for a moment before returning a small smile of his own.

 

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

 

“Right.”

 

Kylo stepped out of the office and into the corridor, slamming the door shut behind him, maybe a little harder than he had intended to. The way he was feeling, the absolute realization, _this emptiness_ , it was more than what he had expected, more than what he’d wanted to know. Kylo felt like he could use a fucking beer right now, or a few shots of tequila, or _anything_ to make this pain in his chest go away.

 

As Kylo lay in bed that night, tears of fury streaming down his face and staining his shirt, he told himself he wasn’t going to do this anymore. That it was too hard, and that it hurt too much. That he was done with Hux. That he was a fool to even think this thing between them would ever be something. His breath hitched between sobs, and then the sobs were temporarily replaced with a small humorless laugh.

 

_Pathetic._ He wasn’t even good at lying to himself. _Done with Hux_. Yeah. Right. He could never be done with Hux. It was like trying to live without sunlight. He touched a finger to his chest absently, feeling the flames Hux had imprisoned within him flare.

  
How could he ever just be done when he was stuck in orbit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylo ren's mouth was made for oral i don't make the rules 
> 
>  
> 
> PSA: chapter 4 will have mucho angst (and smut). you've been warned ;)
> 
> beta'd by [finalizer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/finalizer/%20%E2%80%A6) ily bb


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo had never been one to wake quickly. He usually took his time to linger in the hazy space between sleep and waking, eyes closed but vaguely aware of his surroundings. Today was no different. He shifted against the sheets, groggy, and buried his head into the pillow, letting out a heavy sigh.

 

But after a few more befuddled moments, something in his head clicked.  Something _was_ different. The bed felt softer than usual, the sheets crispier, there was a rich scent permeating around him and he couldn’t hear the usual hum of his apartment. In the haze of his mind, Kylo knew something important had happened, but he couldn’t quite recall what.

 

Kylo finally opened his eyes, leaving the dream world behind. As his eyes sluggishly roamed the room, adjusting to the early sunlight flooding through the glass wall, he thought he was still dreaming, because this wasn’t his home, nothing here looked familiar and nothing here belonged to him.

 

A cold shiver ran through him and he realized he was naked. Pulling the covers up and over his body, he hugged himself tightly and realized suddenly that he was not alone. He turned his head slowly to the left and let out a soft exhale at the sight of Hux lying there beside him, spread out on his side, still slumbering, his breath slow and steady. Kylo’s eyes skimmed over Hux’s shock of red hair against the pillow, and that was all it took to feel his lungs deflate in a rush. As the air left him and vacated the room entirely, it left in its place a vacuum of empty space between them and the same overwhelming gravitational pull of physicality. Hux was like something from a fantasy, exposed and completely bare, the crisp sheets entangled around his legs and his smooth skin positively glowing under the direct beam of light rising over the adjourning buildings.

 

To be here with this man, at this moment in this time, was an opportunity too good to be true. There was no way this could be real. He considered the possibility that he was dreaming. He felt as if he was watching himself from above, like some sort of out-of-body meditation--watching; as he reached out a hand and carefully stroked the soft strands of Hux's coppery hair, watching; as his fingers threaded through his bangs and along the side of his face, feeling the warmth and softness of his cheeks, before pulling away.

 

Hux stirred, but he didn’t wake. His lips were parted as he dozed, and Kylo thought he looked strangely naive, with his mouth open like that. Vulnerable. It was bizarre.

 

Everything came flooding back to him at that moment, as Hux’s breath ghosted across the pillow. Dinner with the client the previous night, stealing loaded glances at each other over drinks, the unspoken tension between them as Hux’s driver sped through the glimmering nightscape of Coronet City afterwards, the eventual desperate break of his self-restraint, the authoritativeness of Hux's hands as they kissed in the back seat.

 

What had happened between then and when Hux had Kylo pressed up against the wall of  the elevator was uncertain, but everything from when Hux wordlessly dragged him inside his apartment, pushing him down on to his bed and stripping their clothes off, was crystallized clear in his mind and becoming increasingly vivid in his memory as he relived it greedily, fingers twisting in the sheets. He couldn’t help but replay the night in his head as he watched Hux's shoulders rising and falling peacefully to his breath. Every word, every kiss and every touch, was burned eternally into his memory….

 

_Kylo was laying naked on the king sized bed with Hux hovering over him, knees on either side of him, pressed heavy against Kylo’s thighs. The weight of him made Kylo slightly uncomfortable, but his nerves were so fraught with excitement and arousal that he couldn’t concentrate on the discomfort. Kylo had lost all sense of time. He didn’t know how long he had been here _—_ it might have been a few minutes, or perhaps hours _—_ but the intensity of their mutual desire was thick in the air around them, just on the edge of stifling. Hux leaned down and kissed him, licking into his mouth, ravaging Kylo’s lips with his, then sliding along his jawline, peppering supple kisses to his ear. It didn’t make sense to Kylo how such light touches could yield such a raw and powerful sensation. Soft, strong hands skimmed along his ribs, wet lips pressing on every pulse point on his body. The further down Hux went, the more Kylo struggled to stay still. _

 

_“Fuck, fuck, Hux—” Kylo breathed, his voice cutting through the fog of arousal, and in response he received a gentle “shh” that was so very close to the ever-increasing hardness of his cock. Hux's tongue licked across the tip, and then he licked again, starting from the base and sweeping all the way up to circle the head. The pressure was so good, and Kylo forgot that he was naked, forgot that a moment ago he had been kissing Hux like crazy. He could only groan as Hux overtook him, always claiming, always in control. He let his head tip all the way back into the mattress and he gazed dully at the ceiling until his eyes slid closed and his mouth fell open, helpless again._

 

_Hux teased him, seizing him, held him down, and slowly opened him until Kylo was unable to tell one sensation from the next. His whole body seemed to be full of something profound and bright. Like every atom inside of him had ruptured, no longer a fire but a nuclear reaction, and the nebulous heat above him resolved slowly into the knowledge that Hux was bearing over him and driving him insane from the inside out. Before he had time to recover Hux had already entered him, and Kylo gasped, eyes wrenching open to stare directly into Hux's, twin tunnels of green gravity pulling him first into pure darkness and then leading him out into the fiery sunbeam of ecstasy. Kylo was moving his hips against him, he didn’t know if it was consciously or not, but Hux reciprocated by rocking in time to the steady rhythm and then Kylo rose from the bed to meet Hux's thrusts. He wanted Hux; he needed him, with every glowing particle of his being he surrendered himself, becoming more than one with him, becoming something on an interstellar level. At that instant, they were two galaxies colliding; fierceness in their battle to merge together. The impact was so colossal, so intense that it came at Kylo at full force without any warning. From the litany of his words and the noises escaping his throat, trying to breathe properly and gain some of the ground beneath his feet, Hux had taken him to a faraway place that was all light, all fire, all heat and confusion. Incredibly beautiful, but confusing._

 

_He meant everything he told Hux while they were both panting and groaning amidst the sheets and the stagnant heat in the air, that he wasn’t interested in just a one-shot deal, that Hux was the reason he was here, that it was Hux who could make him feel the way he did. Kylo was stunned when Hux had smiled warmly at him in response, had looked at him like he mattered. Whispering words of sweet reassurance alongside all the sinful and uncultivated things Kylo had fantasized about before kissing him almost tenderly, almost in a way that indicated he wanted more, too. Kylo had asked Hux to kiss him again, and then once more, panting,_

 

_dontstopneverstophux oh god, pleasejustkissmeagain, hux _—_ _

 

_Bren, call me Bren _—_ _

 

 **__—_ bren_ ** _please, dontstop. pleasebren _—_ _

 

_And their lips moved and melted together like red-hot glass, ablaze and shaping itself between them before solidifying into a disoriented frenzy as their tongues connected. He thought by that time Hux must have been tired of hearing him talk, because his pace had started to quicken, becoming harder, deeper, and with such strength and authority that reduced Kylo’s vocabulary to nothing but small whimpers and moans and Hux's name on his lips._

 

_Kylo’s legs were already spread out wide, but Hux forced them apart even further, pounding down and pulling out and then plunging back in, seemingly with intention of splitting Kylo in half. Control and composure and patience, usually definitive traits in Hux, were finally gone, abandoned, and Kylo was already over the threshold, barely holding on with an inch of his life, arching up, gasping, moaning, begging for it. It was only when Hux worked his hand between them, capturing Kylo’s pulsing length with a firm grip and stroking him, that Kylo exploded again, as massive suns exploded— bursting into new life before collapsing in on himself and falling so far that he was taken by surprise when Hux came deep inside him, with Kylo, together, as Kylo spilled lassos of his release between their stomachs, their voices forming a litany of winded cries, bren, god bren and yeskylo,yes._

 

And afterwards, Hux had laid weary and depleted on top of Kylo, his arms around him, his face buried in Kylo’s skin, their bodies blissfully sweaty, warm and softening as he felt the heat pour forth from the core of Hux and flooding his entire body and soul. Everything he ever needed was here: Hux's existence, his embrace, his voice. Kylo had never heard it sound so raw and needy. Kylo’s fingers were still buried in his hair, his other hand coasting along the curve down Hux's back. He wanted desperately to leave his own skin and fall into Hux’s, to fall and fall and fall forever with him into oblivion and drown in the center of a star, filled with their warmth, their vehemence, their fire.

 

Hux stayed that way with Kylo for a while until he had caught his breath and Kylo didn’t need to guess the routine by this point when Hux rolled off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. As soon as he heard the water running he knew it was all over, knew it was his cue to get the hell out of there. He felt drained, robbed again of the passionate fire Hux had fueled him with. He wanted to be spared any awkward conversation Hux might try to have with him and ruin the almost perfect night they had shared. He didn’t need to hear the bullshit he already understood so blatantly, no matter how much he wished it weren’t so. Dully, he threw back the bed sheets, and started to gather his clothes strewn around the floor.

 

“Stay, Kylo.” Hux had said from the doorway of the bathroom, patting his hands dry with a towel. Kylo looked up at him, trying to keep eyes cold and detached and failing.

The last thing Kylo had expected was for Hux to further seek out his company. It had hurt the first time when Hux made him leave afterwards, but somehow, it hurt worse that Hux was offering to let him stay. It was a heart-wrenching reminder of what Kylo couldn’t truly have, not in any lasting sense. _Here, take a match. But you can’t light it._ He wanted to ignore Hux and storm out, to tear away from him and slam the door in his face. But Kylo was momentarily immobilized, his lips numb from hours spent kissing, his body exhausted from physical exertion and the feeling of loss sex with Hux always inevitably left him with.  One look at Hux's expression told him he didn’t have a choice in the matter, not really; that after all Hux gave him, after all the things he let Hux do to him, Kylo couldn’t leave him like this.  

 

“I can’t, Bren.”

 

Hux placed the towel on the bathroom counter and walked over to him slowly. Kylo swallowed, unsure what to expect, but Hux merely reached out and wrapped his arms around Kylo’s neck to pull him close, holding him tightly with the absolute purpose of not wanting to ever him let go. Kylo stood still, rooted to the spot with shock.

 

“It wasn’t really a question, Kylo," he continued, head heavy against Kylo's shoulder, voice slightly muffled in the crook of his neck. "I want you to stay... please.”

 

Kylo had realized earlier on that Hux's behavior was different when they were alone and away from the outside world. He seemed relaxed, nicer and sweet. But Kylo hadn't expected this. He scoffed at himself internally, shaking his head. It was never a dull moment with Hux. Ever. The unpredictability of it made it that much harder for Kylo not to give in.

 

“I don’t want to be alone,” Hux whispered against Kylo’s neck, just barely audible. “I...I need you here with me..."

 

It was just as it was the night at the office, just as it was when they had first kissed in the dimly lit bar. Kylo was holding onto the last fibers of air and conscience, but they were spiraling like a comet away from him with each second. Madness, the darkness of Hux’s desire, almost sinister even despite his whispering and apparent pleading, consuming, eclipsing every other sense. Kylo tried to negotiate himself out from Hux's grasp, but all that he could manage to make was a soft noise as his body trembled from the power of Hux's hold. The compulsion was just too overwhelming.

 

Kylo took a lungful of air. Maybe to speak, he wasn’t sure. But the words, whatever they were, failed to make it out. Hux was kissing him again, soft and gentle, his mouth sealing the bruise of Kylo’s rejection the best he could. Hux paused, waiting for Kylo to part his lips, extending his tongue until it touched the tip of Kylo's. The wetness of it, the dark rich taste, drove a shiver down Kylo’s spine.

 

“Okay,” Kylo said, and then he ran out of breath and had to take in more air. He was clutching at Hux with both his hands, body careening into his, looking for some sense of balance.

 

“Come lay with me,” Hux replied quietly, his lips dragging against Kylo’s chin. It suddenly became too crowded in the space where they stood to even breathe.

 

Kylo followed him and laid on his side in Hux's bed, with the heat of Hux's body pressed up against his back and his arm enveloped possessively around his waist, as if ensuring that Kylo couldn’t go anywhere. Not just then, but ever. That Kylo would always be there when he needed something from him, constantly in orbit—that he would answer obligingly without question, to lay himself on the line for Hux forever, always, to be that person to keep his bed from growing colder on a lonely night such as this. Kylo closed his eyes tight.

 

For his part, Kylo couldn’t imagine ever being cold again. Not like this, not with Hux’s hand slowly tracing his abdomen, igniting the flames licking at him again low in his stomach and up into his chest. He was only now slowly beginning to realize what this fire truly was.

 

He’d allowed himself to be damned, pulled down into hell, engulfed in the blaze of delicious, maddening flames. And the worst part was, he still didn’t want out. Not yet. Not completely.

 

_Let me burn a little more._

 

Kylo allowed Hux to hold him for the rest of the night, attempting to swallow the exhilaration that would let him take pleasure in the luxury for what it was, instead letting the attack of emotions strangle and spoil his frame of mind, belying the relaxation of his whole body as his chest burned and the worthlessness he felt inside consumed him. He remained silent as he turned and stared out at the metropolitan through the glass wall of Hux's bedroom, blinking back tears until the lights of the city were nothing but a colorless blur. He hoped that Hux hadn’t heard him cry, but he had a sinking feeling that it possibly wouldn’t have even mattered.

 

Hux was the devil, twistedly beautiful and strong. And as long as Kylo burned, he didn’t seem to care.

 

The faraway Correllian sun had almost completed a full cycle, steadily rising, its low, reddish rays gleaming down on him and streaking across the bed. Kylo was fully awake now, still staring out at the gleaming metropolis of Coronet city, wondering absently if his father had ever woken up to a similar sight. His father had never spoken to Kylo much about his childhood. Not that Kylo would have wanted him to.

 

His heart was beating hard in his chest, the coldblooded light of reality sharp as a knife, and Kylo wasn’t sure how Hux was going to react. He didn’t know what to do now. Go back to sleep? Quietly slip out of the apartment before he woke up? Would he tell Hux how much he cherished this, even as it tore him apart, or would he perpetually act as if the whole thing had never happened?

 

The thought frightened him. He didn’t have the energy to prepare himself for every scenario; he didn’t want to _have_ to think about it. He shifted uncomfortably and wanted more than anything right then to kiss Hux, but Kylo didn’t even have the fortitude to turn back around, afraid that Hux was already awake and staring at him with a look of remorse on his face.

 

Without contemplating about it further, Kylo pushed back the covers. Cautiously and quietly, he slid out from the bed and warily picked up his clothes from the floor. He pulled on his briefs and button-down from the night before, wincing slightly at the smell of cigarettes and booze still lingering on the garments from the restaurant. As his fingers traveled down the buttons, he couldn’t help wondering if, after how well Hux had seemed to understand him last night, to cherish him, he could still continue to understand him by daylight. But as much as Hux's creamy skin and lean muscles tempted him, he knew he had overstayed his welcome. He finished dressing quickly, and as he pulled on his suit jacket and made for the door, Hux stirred, turning over in bed and murmuring his name.

 

Kylo froze on the spot and looked back, afraid for a moment that he had woken him. But Hux just grabbed Kylo’s pillow and pressed his face into it.

 

“ _Kylo_ ,” he muttered again, without opening his eyes.

 

And then, just as Kylo was leaving, he spoke one more time, his voice half-muffled into the pillow. “Ren, don’t go. Don’t leave.”

 

A half-breath stuck in Kylo’s throat. His mind whirled around the words. But the time he spent with Hux always seemed to slip away from him faster than reality, coals glowing white-hot in a brief gust of wind and then dulling to ash just as quickly. _Time._ He needed time.

 

It hurt him to shut the door.

 

When he exited the apartment building, the skies seemed to close in on themselves as to punish him. The red blaze of sunlight and sapphire of the planet’s atmosphere had disappeared and in its place was a white canvas, monolithic and obscure, promising a proper rainstorm to come later in the day. Kylo forced his gaze down to the sidewalk, trying to concentrate on the path he was taking to get onto the main street and hail a transport. It was nearly seven, and Kylo still had two hours in between now and when he had to be at work. He intended to go home and change out of his clothes, because the office was where they pretended everything was fine and that was exactly what Kylo was prepared to do. He didn’t want to upset Hux by showing up in the same suit two days in a row. Besides, Kylo reeked of... well, he reeked of sex. Sweat, smoke, and sex.

 

Doubt and curiosity were flashing at the edge of his brain, though, and the possibilities they raised were like poison—weakening Kylo’s mind until he became too loaded with them to keep moving. He leaned against an ornate black railing in front of a small café and had to let his eyes drift out of focus for a while. The disgustingly white sky, the speeders above him, and the bright colors of the holovid advertisements on the sides of the buildings around him all blurred together, scorched at the edges of his vision by the low drizzle starting to fall, or perhaps it was that horrible, familiar fire.

 

Maybe Hux had been dreaming. Maybe he was subconsciously talking to Kylo as if they were at the office. Hux had often told Kylo to stay back with him after a meeting had finished, or when he needed him to work overtime. That was the only logical way to look at it. The more Kylo thought about it, the more it seemed the most plausible conclusion.

 

“Idiot.” he chided himself quietly, and forced himself back into motion.

 

As the morning went on, back in his own apartment, he took his time in the shower, the longest he’d had in a while. He examined his own skin under the stream of refreshingly cool water, the pale expanse of his arms and torso dotted with the familiar smattering of dark freckles, half-expecting to see charred flesh. _Let me burn_ _a little more._ He scoffed at himself now, mentally shoving it out of his mind, and squeezed shampoo into his hair, closing his eyes. He tried to refocus himself on the day ahead, but, try as he might, his mind continued to circle back to Hux. He thought about what this could be, if he actually meant a damn thing to Hux at all, if there was a chance that he’d wanted Kylo this whole time, but because he couldn’t or didn’t want to admit it. Kylo would never really know the truth.

 

Maybe he only wanted Kylo for a totally different reason. Kylo had certainly never hid the fact he was readily available. He made it all too easy for Hux to chase him. He rinsed his hair under the water and scrubbed his body with soap, mulling it all over, the cool water soothing to his slowly emerging headache. The more Kylo pondered, the more he realized he could very well be just another whore Hux wanted to dominate. And Kylo was so pathetic, had been so willing and eager, Hux had barely had to lift a finger to hold him down and have his way, completely under his control.

 

The fire in his chest seemed to crackle at the thought, popping and sizzling as the mental image of Hux’s slender but strong fingers flooded his mind. Kylo didn’t know how he was ever going to get used to this, used to being with Hux, never completely. Perhaps he would have to continue to feel desperate and set aflame like this for the rest of his life, every time their fingers touch, every time they kiss, every time Hux so much as looks at him.

 

He sighed, resting his forehead against the tiled wall of the shower. _Kriff._

 

Kylo was _so_ fucked.

 

He hated himself for doing this, for feeling this way, for burning, but he couldn’t stop. He didn’t know how, and even if he did, he wouldn’t want to. Because he was in far too deep, couldn’t lose Hux, not now—which was fucking ridiculous, because he never even had Hux in the first place.

 

Clenching his eyes shut, Kylo bit his bottom lip, holding in a sob. Hot tears leaked from the corners of his eyes before he could stop himself. _Pathetic._ He tried to quiet himself by burying his face into his hands, but it was useless. He was fucking sobbing and there was nothing he could do about it. The floodgates were forced open, defenses were overthrown, the forest fire breaking loose, untamed. His breath staggered in bursts, his voice hitched as he chanted a string of profanities at how idiotic and pathetic this all was. He didn’t want to break down over some boy, especially someone like Hux. He didn’t want to break down at all. He needed to keep it together, needed to keep all his shattered pieces in place with some duct tape or superglue or the fucking Force, anything he could get his hands on. The hellfire was consuming him, he was choking on the smoke and even now, he still didn’t know what this even was, what it all amounted to. Shame, frustration, sadness, longing, pain, all at once. He didn’t want any of it. Maybe it was leaving him now, all the things he wouldn’t let himself feel freely before. Maybe after this he would be empty. But Kylo highly doubted it. It was too deep. There was always magma boiling beneath the heart of the earth, unstable and on the edge of eruption, a constant heat—a constant threat.

 

Kylo finally turned off the water, and as soon as he did, the tears vanished. He stepped out of the shower and just stood there for a minute, dripping wet in the middle of the bathroom. He stared, red-eyed, at his own cloudy reflection in the mirror by the wall, his vision taking a different turn. In his mind Hux was running after him, grabbing his hand and hauling him back inside the apartment and straight into his arms. He would say, _“Fuck it, Ren. Let’s just stay like this, you and me, just until tomorrow, and then when you try to leave me tomorrow I’ll pull you back again for another day.”_ And Kylo would smile at him and nod, and try not to crumble from the intensity of those deep green eyes, try to forget that they will inevitably slice him open and burn him into nothing. He was no longer satisfied with just being in the depths of Hux’s darkness anymore. He needed to feel it, to suffocate in it, without stars, without the earth and moon, and without any light at all. He could be blind for all he cared. He wanted to be with him and for Hux to want him for all that he was, not as some piece of meat.

 

He just wanted to be back in Hux's arms.

 

“Hey, Kylo. You okay in there?”

 

Kylo realized he had sunk to the bathroom floor on his knees and was pressing his face into his towel. Great. Now he was going to break down in front of Syal, too. He needed to hold it in, at least until the day was over _._ It had barely even started and Kylo was already an absolute wreck.

 

“Yeah,” he managed to say loudly enough through the walls.

 

He quickly dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist. He opened the door to the bathroom. _Shit_. Kylo was going to have to start acting more normal or Syal would keep looking at him with those concerned eyes and all his secrets would come pouring out of him. It wouldn’t take much. He was already a glass filled to the brim, all Syal had to do was bump into the table.

 

He decided to put on his brooding and silent temperament; maybe he could be like this all day. He stared back at her as she sat on the bed, trying to look detached and mysterious enough that she would leave him alone.

 

Syal wouldn’t go for it. Her expression changed into a teasing smile and she crossed her legs, leaning back on the heels of her hands. “So, who’s the lucky guy this time?”

Kylo opened his mouth to answer, but realized he had no idea what to say. His brain went haywire, as it often did, and suddenly he was recounting what he did last night, not just on repeat, but every possible arrangement he could conjure, like an out-of-tune orchestra playing variations on a theme: Brendol Hux fucking him on various surfaces of his high-end apartment, Brendol Hux binding and gagging him and proceeding to ravage his body, Brendol Hux professing his undying love for him while they made love on the leather sofa in his office…. But Syal was still looking at him—shit, what had been her question again? Kylo flushed, embarrassed, and shrugged meekly, hoping it would suffice, still daydreaming.

 

Syal stared at him for a while longer, before leaning forward and grinning at him, punching him lightly on the arm. “I’m just fucking with you, man. There’s no accounting for bad judgment and whatever, but I got your text last night about how you weren’t coming home. I could only assume one of two things had happened, since the last time you went out yo—”

 

“IsleptwithHuxagain.” It came out in one breath. He sank onto the bed next to her, the roller coaster of scenarios in his mind suddenly making him feel a little weak at the knees.

 

Syal stopped abruptly and her eyes widened. “Oh,” she murmured— and as Kylo’s distracted brain caught up with the conversation, realized a second too late that he really did just blurt out those words, just to get her to stop talking. He felt a flush creep up his chest and neck up to his ears. _Damn it._ Why didn’t he think this through first?

 

“Uh…shit, okay. How, uh… how did you manage to do that this time?” she asked, hesitantly.

 

“I honestly don’t know,” Kylo sighed exasperatedly, and ran both hands through his wet hair. “It just happened.”

 

He felt Syal’s hand on his back. “Shit, Kylo,” she said solemnly. She patted him conspiratorially. “So what now, you’re going to go to work and everything will be okay between the two of you? It doesn’t mean anything, right?”

 

“Mmhm,” Kylo mumbled in response. He dropped his head to avoid looking at her, trying his hardest to get the truth out. “It was only sex.”

 

She was silent for a second before answering, clearly waiting for him to retract that. After a moment, she flipped her blonde hair behind her shoulder and pressed on, dubious. “Uh _huh_. For you, or for him?”

 

Kylo’s head snapped up and he looked at her with eyes that were utterly lost. “I don’t know that either, actually,” Kylo muttered, brows creasing. “It shouldn’t be so complicated, but I think I've somehow managed to make it way more than what it actually is...” He sighed. That certainly sounded like him. Constantly overthinking everything.

 

She nodded understandingly. “Because you’re…what, in love with him?”

 

Kylo shrugged again hopelessly, wearing his splintered and bleeding heart on his sleeve. He wasn’t remotely hung over, but he definitely felt a kind of heaviness as if he’d gone on a bender and drank a whole bottle of Correllian brandy the night before. He thought some of that weight might have left him with everything else that gushed out of him in the shower, but no such luck. Talking to Sy wasn’t helping either. Kylo resigned to saying nothing more and he stood up and turned to leave, when Syal reached out a hand to his wrist.

 

“Come on, ‘Lo, don’t walk away. You know you can talk me.”

 

Kylo smiled weakly and nodded, swallowing against the hard lump in his throat, his mind spiraling out of control.

 

_I know. But I’m fucking losing my mind right now, Sy. You don’t understand. This man is perfection, he’s beautiful, he’s the sun, he’s a sun that soaks up all the light around him and it makes him burn dark and bright at the same time, he’s everything I want, everything I need right now. I’m supposed to be his protégé, his next big thing, but I’m failing miserably. I can’t work, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I should’ve had better self-control, but I gave in to whatever this is and now I can’t stop thinking about him and all I want to do is to give him everything, do anything he wants. I don’t even know if he’s taking advantage of me or has some ulterior motive or if he actually cares about me at all. He doesn’t know anything, doesn’t know what he does to me, he doesn’t know how I feel, or maybe he does and he just doesn’t care, I don’t know. I poured my heart out to him and he’s been too busy fucking my brains out to even take me seriously. Every time he looks at me I feel like I’m dying, like I’m being burned alive. I don’t know if he’s hiding something or if it’s all just some sick game to him, he’s such a kriffing bastard, I don’t know what to think anymore, I just want to know where I stand. I just want to know if I matter. I just want him to want me even if I know he’ll never be with me. I don’t even know if it’s possible that we could be together, but why does it matter? It’s so unfair anyway, it’s all so fucking unfair, and..._

 

“Thanks?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as a question. It confused him. But he said it anyway and now his heart felt even more naked than his body.

 

Syal looked at him with something vaguely resembling pity. Her eyes cut through him, were both surgical instruments and numbing agents in one, because somehow she had managed to strip Kylo down to his very soul without him noticing, without even meaning to. Suddenly she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.

 

“Hey. It’ll be okay,” she said softly.

 

“H-How?” Kylo choked out, suppressing his tears with a huge swallow.

 

“I don’t know. But it will be. You two will work it out, I’m sure.” Syal let him go and stood back, her easy smile still in place, though more hesitant. “You’re Kylo Ren. What kind of man could resist someone as good-looking and smart and awesome as you?”

 

Kylo made an ungracious noise at the back of his throat. “Please. If I’m so smart, why do I feel like a dog on a leash right now?”

 

“C’mon, Lo, have you even _tried_ talking to him about this?” she asked, as if Kylo hadn’t considered this option before in his life.

 

“Every time I try to, he either manages to shut me up or it goes south. I mean, I tried to last night, and look where it led me.”

 

“Are you saying it’s because he won’t let you talk, or because you give up trying  as soon as you’re alone with him?” Her eyes cut right through him again.

 

Syal knew the answer, and Kylo did, too. But he didn’t want to admit it, because it was never easy to control any part of himself whenever he was around Hux, least of all his emotions, and if keeping up a charade at work wasn’t hard enough, he had to worry about keeping up appearances, too.

 

What Kylo needed to do was to find a new pursuit. If he was in love with Hux, then he needed to distract himself, and Kylo had never been good at getting rid of ideas once they had wormed their way into his head. Maybe Kylo needed to find himself an actual boyfriend, or better yet, get over himself and just face the beast. There was no use beating around the bush. He’d rather be the one to break it off than be the poor bastard that got fired because he had too many feelings.

 

Kylo shook away from Syal’s concern without saying anything further and headed down the hall to his bedroom. He needed to be alone, and deal with the roaring noise inside of him. Kylo was trembling, and not from the cold water dripping from his hair onto his bare shoulders, or because he was nervous, but because his whole body was vibrating along with the chaos buzzing in his head.

 

Chaos. _Yeah. That sounds about right._

 

Chaos had caught up with Kylo and had made a home under his skin, playing some frantic beat that his mind couldn’t follow. He couldn’t deal with all of this. Chaos had been there the first day he walked through the revolving door and into the lobby of one of the most prestigious law firms in the city. He had been escorted up onto the nineteenth floor and sat in one of the plush meeting rooms for the interview. It had been a woman and a man who interviewed him, but it was the man that caught his attention. The one with the fiery hair and cool green eyes.

 

The instant their eyes met, Kylo had known this was where he belonged. Something in that moment gave Kylo the incentive to fight for this job more than he ever fought for anything. He breezed through the interview and within a week he landed the job as that man’s associate attorney. Chaos had disguised itself as the fracture in the air that drew them both together. It was not something that he wanted, because even though it started out as nothing, it had manifested itself into everything. Everything that led him to where he stood today. Everything that followed him here. Everything except the one thing he wanted with him. The one thing he probably would never have.

 

Kylo knew the day was going to be awful, he could feel the dread already starting to overwhelm him the second he stepped out onto the street. He had to go to work though, he had to face him, and there was no other way around it. He dragged himself across the street and straight into the first transport available, keeping his head held high as the city zipped by underneath him, with one thing on his mind that would drive him forward and get this day done and over with. _End it. Douse the flame._

 

He wasn’t expecting, however, to not being able to pay for his transport fare, because as it turned out, he had forgotten his wallet at home and had no other choice but have the driver take a detour all the way back to his apartment just to pick up his wallet. And to top it all off, it had started to rain on the way there. The sudden and complete downpour seemed to mock his childish wish to kill the heat of his and Hux’s relationship. Just fucking _perfect_.

 

“You’re late,” Hux said, the moment Kylo stepped through his office door. Kylo was rain-soaked and still trying to catch his breath from having to practically jog the rest of the way to work, because the traffic kept increasing and the fare meter kept running even though the transport hadn’t moved.

 

“Sorry. Five minutes,” Kylo said, glancing down at his wristwatch and checking the time. Kylo was actually impressed with himself that he was only five minutes late, all things considered.

 

“Late is late, whether it’s five minutes or whether it’s an hour, it’s still late. We had this discussion not long ago.”

 

“I know, I know,” he said, wiping his drenched hair out of his eyes and cursing  himself mentally. “and I’m sorry, it’s just—”

 

“Just stop, Kylo. Instead of apologizing and making excuses for why you’re late, why don’t you just get to work on time. Like it or not, punctuality is part of the job, and if you can’t handle that, then maybe this isn’t the right job for you.”

 

The cold fury tone in Hux’s tone, combined with the words he’d said, and the fact that he hadn’t even bothered to look up from his holoscreen monitor, left Kylo completely blindsided, despite knowing it was coming.

 

“It won’t happen again,” Kylo replied, his voice smaller than he’d intended.

 

“Do you remember what I told you the last time I lectured you about your tardiness?” Hux asked, and this time he averted his eyes away from the holo projection and cut him a hard glare.

 

Kylo bit his tongue and stared at Hux, wide-eyed, wondering all of a sudden where this was all coming from. Last time was understandable, he deserved it that time, but this time, having Hux overreact because of five minutes seemed a bit far-fetched, as if Hux was angry with him for some other reason than being late. Kylo often had trouble reading people’s expressions, and it irritated him that he couldn’t figure Hux’s out right now, if ever. Kylo just wanted to know what he was thinking and why he was treating him so coldly.

 

“Bren, please...”

 

Hux held up a hand to silence him, looking furious. He then looked at his watch, and for a moment Kylo felt a masochistic thrill at the prospect of Hux punishing him in some dangerous way, but that thought was secondary in his mind as Hux directed a harsh look towards him once more, before Kylo could even hide the depraved expression on his own face. It didn’t take long to destroy the nearly normal dynamic between them. Not that Kylo was surprised.

 

“I have briefs for you to proof. I’m about to head over to the courthouse now and I need them done and on my desk by the time I return at noon. Not a second late, Ren, and I mean it.”

 

Kylo was speechless, but he managed to respond. Confronting Hux was harder than he had thought it would be. Virtually impossible, at the moment.

“Uh, okay. Anything else?”

 

“No, that’s it for now. If I need something, I’ll call you.”

 

Kylo didn’t say anything more. He hung his head and left Hux's office. He felt completely defeated. He was looking forward to drowning himself in work for a few hours, but at the same time the workload seemed unusually large, and Kylo started to think there wasn’t any way it was humanly possible he was going to be able to get it done. He had to really focus and push through nevertheless, because he wanted the time he had with Hux between handing over the brief and being given a lesson on something, to be spent actually talking to him instead.

 

“I need to talk to you,” Kylo said as soon as he caught Hux exiting out of the elevator at twelve p.m. sharp.

 

“Ah, just the person I wanted to see. Do you have those briefs I asked for yet?” Hux kept walking down the hallway and Kylo followed in his stride to keep up.

 

“Yes. I have them right here with me,” Kylo told him, squeezing through the trickle of people heading the opposite direction. “Do you have a minute to spare? This is important.”

 

“What could be more important than a multi-million credit case?” Hux gave him an irritated look.

 

Kylo shuffled through the stack of paperwork he had in his hands. He held an over-stuffed manila folder out for Hux, which he took graciously.

 

“Are you still mad at me or something?”

 

“If this is about you being late this morning, forget I even mentioned it, we have more pressing matters that I need you here to work on today. The next time you’re late, I’ll figure out what to do with you.”

 

Kylo swallowed and nodded gravely as they entered his office. “Shut the door behind you and sit down.”

 

Kylo did as he was told. It was silent as Kylo looked on, watching Hux go over the briefs he had just handed over to him.

 

“Why isn’t any of this bound? You didn’t even bother to organize the pages in order.” Hux threw the words at him like an accusation, even though it was just an observation.

 

“I didn’t get time to, but I highlighted everything important in yellow like I normally do.”

 

“I have the meeting with the clients tomorrow, Kylo. How am I supposed to deliver a solid testimonial if you can’t even do a simple task that I’ve assigned to you.”

 

“I tried, but you didn’t exactly give me enough flexibility to complete it. Three hours to go over four legal briefs that are all equally long is a bit of a stretch, especially when two of them have depositions--”

“I didn’t ask you for an opinion.” Hux handed the folder back to him. “Just go fix it, I’ll give you fifteen minutes.”

 

Kylo frowned at Hux; he had a tendency to take the speed in which Kylo was able to get things done for granted. “Seriously? Hux, I busted my ass doing this for you, even with Lando breathing down my neck every ten minutes.”

 

“If you’re looking for a gold star, sorry, but I left those at home.”

 

Kylo didn’t often brag about his efficiency with the work he was given, but he was well aware that he could complete the work leaps and bounds faster and better than any of the other associates. It just meant he had a little extra time to work on things like these pro bono cases, and Hux knew this. He didn’t see how any of this was _his_ fault, however, and didn’t understand why Hux was being such an asshole about it.

 

“I wasn’t asking for a pat on the back,” he bit back acerbically. “But maybe you could at least acknowledge the work I just did for you."

 

“I don’t have to acknowledge anything, Kylo. It’s your job to do the work I give to you, and to do it right,” Hux scolded.

 

Kylo knew he was in hazardous territory. He’d known that from the moment he’d stepped into Hux's office, but Kylo wasn’t going to stop himself from taking that extra step and pushing where he knew it would be best to keep his mouth shut. Particularly when so much of him was telling him to not only keep quiet, but to lower his eyes, apologize and to make it better. But hearing the contempt and utter condescension in Hux's voice made Kylo see red, and he stood from the chair, taking a few large strides closer until he was well into Hux's personal space.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Kylo seethed, barely keeping himself from actually swearing at him. “Why are you treating me like this? Tell me why, Hux, I need to know. I did exactly what you told me to do, and so what I skipped a few particulars, they’re minuscule things, it’s not like I neglected to do it at all.”

 

“Keep your voice quiet and sit down, Kylo,” Hux said, in a deceptively mild tone, unfazed by Kylo’s petulance.

 

“Don’t you ever get sick of telling me what to do?”

 

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m your boss. It’s my job to tell you what to do.”

 

“Especially when it’s convenient for you, right?”

 

Hux's nostrils flared and he inhaled sharply. “For your information, and let me make this very clear, we have two court hearings next week, and these _clients_ ,” Hux emphasized, pointing at the folder, “are some of our top assets. There is no room for error. For you to avoid minor details because you think they’re ‘miniscule’ is unacceptable, Ren. Everything matters in this line of work. Are you really going to stand there and argue with me like a child?”

 

Kylo snorted, managing to repress the rage a little bit. “You’re totally missing the point.”

 

“The point of _what_ , exactly?”

 

Kylo wasn’t sure if Hux was feigning brain failure or if he was completely devoid of all sensibility, either way, it did nothing to Kylo’s growing aggravation. He waited for the color to come back to his vision before he spoke. “I’m not talking about work.”

 

“Then what are you talking about?”

 

Kylo laughed disbelievingly and backed away, already feeling the tears start to form in his eyes. This was just ridiculous. It was all so obviously just a game to Hux. He didn’t know why he thought it would be any different. He turned to go.“Just… never mind. I’m leaving.”

 

“No, you’re not,” Hux spat, becoming increasingly impatient. “Not until you tell me what you meant by that.”

 

 _Bastard._ Kylo wheeled around and shoved a finger right in Hux’s face.

 

“I’m talking about you and me. Us. All this pretending, all this so-called _professionalism_. What, we fuck a few times and then everything is okay and you stand here in front of me as if it’s nothing? Is that how it works?”

 

Kylo had expected for Hux to suddenly get angry with him, to give him the cold shoulder, or tell him to leave and never to talk about this ever again, instead, Hux's scowl had all but dissipated and he was now looking at Kylo contemptuously.

 

When he spoke his voice was an octave lower and there was no mistaking that Hux was more than displeased. “This is neither the time nor the place to be having this discussion, Ren, and I seriously advise you to consider what you hope to achieve by bringing it up. I thought I had made that very clear.”

 

It was harder with Hux so close to him to remain defiant, yet Kylo didn’t let himself be intimidated right away. He resisted that urge to step back and drop his eyes, even though it was running hot through his veins while he stared at Hux.

 

“How could I _not_ bring this up?” Kylo implored, determined to get his point across. “By just ignoring it completely, until the next time you decide to tell me to come over to your house, or tell me to give you blow jobs in your office when everyone’s gone, for example?”

 

The sense of danger skyrocketed as Hux's expression darkened. “I didn’t tell you to do those things, I _asked_ you to do those things.”

 

“What’s the difference to you?”

 

“Asking means you can say no, Kylo. At any damn time you please. I never made you do anything.”

 

“You make it sound like it’s so easy to say no to you.”

 

“You’ve said no to me before, so don’t act like you don’t know how. You’re a grown goddamn adult, you knew exactly what you were getting into.”

 

Kylo seethed. “You are  _such_ an asshole. I know it’s easy for you, Hux, because you don’t give a shit about anybody but yourself, but that’s not what it’s _like_ for me. You don’t understand how hard it is to do this.”

 

“So why do it at all, then?” Hux said, raising his voice unintentionally.

 

 _Because I’m so fucking in love with you that I’ll take whatever I can get from you,_ Kylo thought, his head screaming. He turned his head away to wipe the tears from his eyes and felt another flare of temper. Hux had been right; he didn’t see how talking about this was going to help either of them. He took a deep breath, willing himself to stay calm.

 

“Just forget it, please. Forget I said anything, I know you don’t care about me, and that’s the whole point.”

 

“The ‘whole point’ of the issue here, Ren, is how personally you’re taking this. Emotions should always be kept separate from work,” Hux told him. “All they do is get in the way, cloud your judgment and disrupt any thought at making good decisions.”

 

“Don’t. Don’t give me that bullshit. You can’t possibly expect me to just turn away from it when you look at me the way you do and then say things the way you say it.”

 

“I don’t know what to else to tell you, Kylo. I’ve already established that what we have is primarily a work relationship, but now you apparently want to compromise all of that by bringing our private affairs out in the open.”

 

“Private affairs?” Kylo retorted, incredulous. “I’d hardly call this private. Practically the whole firm knows, according to Ahsoka.” Hux crossed his arms.

 

“We obviously have an attraction to each other, Kylo. That, I won’t deny. But I am not in a position, or remotely interested in dating or having a relationship. I assumed you felt the same way. Am I wrong?” He paused. “What is it that you want out of this, exactly?”

 

Kylo opened his mouth to reply and immediately closed it again, not entirely sure how to respond to that. Maybe it was because the answer came so easily to him, or maybe Hux already knew what Kylo was feeling and was merely fishing the answer out of him so that he could take Kylo’s words, only to shove them back down his throat and choke the life out of him in the process.

 

Hux spoke again, but this time he sounded a little more than pissed off, looking Kylo straight in the eye like a parent scolding a disobedient child. “Look, Ren. You knew what you were getting yourself into. I don’t know why you’re so upset. We were supposed to be on the same page, we’ve worked together for over two years now. We’ve done great things for this firm, and even better things for your career. I’ve personally thought our encounters, both in and out of the office, have worked out well. And you haven’t given me any indication until now that this wasn’t also the case for you.”

 

“Apparently it’s not working out, though, is it?” Kylo questioned, forcing himself to meet his gaze. “Look where we are, Hux.”

 

“I am, Kylo. And I see no difference between what we did last night and what we’re doing today.”

 

Kylo turned away from Hux's piercing stare. He had no choice but to look away, he couldn’t take what he was seeing in them. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  “How can even you say that?” His voice felt raw around the lump in his throat. He felt like he didn’t even know Hux anymore. Maybe he never had.

 

“Because it’s the truth.”

 

“And all those things you said to me last night?” Kylo pointed out, reminding him. "That felt pretty personal to me. Were you keeping your emotions separate then, too? Was your _judgement_ _clouded_ then?”

 

“Is that what you think?” Hux scoffed, rolling his eyes. “We have a brief moment and you suddenly think we have a connection?”

 

 _Okay, ouch._ That one stung. Kylo swallowed again, the lump in his throat feeling the size of a golf ball. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes again, in spite of himself.

 

“I’d sure as hell like to think so, Bren. And I know you would, too.” He didn’t quite manage to keep his voice as steady as he’d meant to.

 

“Well, you thought wrong.”

 

“You don’t mean that,” Kylo said sadly, numbly, stung by the callousness of Hux's words.

 

“You want me to blur the lines between a casual get-together and your aspirations?” Hux retorted. “I’m sorry, Kylo, but I don’t think you’re a good enough reason to.”

 

Something inside Kylo snapped. He narrowed his eyes at Hux and before he could process the primal rage that flooded his veins he threw the pile of documents in his hands to the floor, watching as the papers flew in opposite directions across the carpet, scattered between them like a cataclysm of mayhem.

 

So much for impulse control. He stomped over to Hux, so angry he was shaking. He had to concentrate very hard on not punching him. 

 

“I don’t want you to do _fuck-all_ , Brendol Hux, besides treat me with a little _respect_.” Kylo’s voice was still unsteady, but he didn’t keep quiet, he had to give it to Hux straight. “Casual sex, one-night-stands, whatever you want to call it, I don’t care, it doesn’t have to be fucking chocolate and roses, but you could at least _pretend_ that it’s personal,that this even has anything to do with _me_ , for my sake.” He huffed out a breath, clenching his hands into fists to stop them shaking. “You--you make me feel like I’m a total stranger, Hux, like I’m some whore you can just toss out on the street--”

 

“Pick up those papers off the floor,” Hux demanded severely, disregarding him. “ _Now_.”

“I’m not your fucking property. Don’t tell me what to do,” Kylo fumed. “Fuck you.”

 

Kylo turned to leave and strode to the door, but suddenly Hux was there in front of him. He grabbed Kylo’s wrist, quick as lightning, and reeled him in. The strength and demand of his will was like a force field as his other hand gripped Kylo’s waist, surrounding them, closing Kylo in with him. There was no way out, but that didn’t stop Kylo from trying.

 

“Let go of me,” Kylo spat, squirming in his grasp.

 

“I’m sorry.” Hux said softly, with guilt suddenly flowing through his voice.

 

“I said let _go_.”

 

“I _do_ respect you, Kylo.” He leaned in closer, his lips brushing Kylo’s ear. Kylo froze.  “And I _do_ care about you.” A pause. “But don’t expect more from me. It’s not in my nature.”

 

Kylo didn’t have anything to say to that. He kept his eyes glued to the floor.

 

“Look at me, Kylo.”

 

Kylo lifted his head.

 

“At me, Kylo. Not through me.”

 

Kylo shifted his eyes to finally meet Hux's glare.

 

“Listen to me. I know what you want from me and it’s definitely _not_ just sex, because for you it’s not just about sex, it’s never been. And I should have known better. I got caught up in my own needs and desires, and ignored yours. And for that, I’m truly sorry. I am. Believe me, I don’t want to be the asshole you’re accusing me of being.”

 

It was the disappointment, more than the anger, that made Kylo lower his defenses, something cold and hard settling in the pit of his stomach at the look Hux gave him. He dropped his eyes again and nodded— it wasn’t even the recognition of his thoughts that had him backpedaling, or seeing just how far he’d pushed Hux to get any kind of answer, but where it had landed him now, which was absolutely nowhere.

 

Right in the middle of nowhere.

 

He wasn’t any closer to getting Hux. Whatever tension or pent-up sexual frustration existed between them was now widened by a vast cosmos, dividing them into two separate entities and setting them further apart than ever.

 

“I’m not going to apologize for calling you that,” Kylo said, succeeding in pulling away from him with a final tug. He still felt, despite everything, an overwhelming compulsion to explain himself, to somehow get through what he was caught up in to Hux. “What we had before was something good, something solid, until we made the choice to sleep together. It really pisses me off, every single time, when you don’t say anything about it and ignore what we did afterwards.” He ran a hand through his hair, sweeping the dark curls back from his forehead. “It makes me feel guilty, like I’ve done something horribly wrong to you, and I have no idea what it is, so I spend hours trying to figure it out, trying to figure _you_ out, but I can’t, Hux, and you won’t help me, so yes, you _are_ an asshole. I don’t understand you, I don’t understand what it is you want from me, I don’t understand why you do all of this, make the effort to be with me and then tell me it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t understand a damn thing and that’s the fucking problem.”

 

“Kylo—”

 

“Whatever you’re going to say, just save it, Hux. I’m over it. I’m done. No hard feelings, okay?” Kylo said, before taking a step towards the door, intent on leaving this time.

 

“Kylo, don’t go,” Hux said, as he reached out and gripped him by the arm, stopping him from moving any further. “Just— Please.”

 

Kylo’s heart faltered at his tone, and for a moment it felt like he was back at Hux's apartment, about to head out the door as Hux called out to him in his sleep.

 

“I’ve already spent too much time here with you, okay?” Kylo yanked his arm away from Hux's grasp and walked over to the door. He hesitated briefly with his hand on the doorknob, turning back for a moment. “I think I’ve done enough for today. I’m going home.”

 

It was painful, to fight his own instincts and go against what he thought was the right thing. His gut feeling was telling him to forget everything and run to the man he loved, to hold him tight and kiss him passionately, to forgive him and let Hux step all over him until the end of time. Kylo could feel his grip slip on the situation like sand through his fingers. He really wanted to give in to the heady stare of those green eyes, give in to the false assurance that it was what Hux wanted as well.

 

But it was weak to think that way, weak to let himself be deluded, and he needed to be strong.

 

Hux continued to stare at him wordlessly. Kylo glared back at him for a moment, and then without giving it a second thought, he opened the door and slammed it behind him on the way out.

 

Kylo was gone. The slam of the door had felt like some sort of final exclamation to everything leading up until this point. A reminder as to just how badly Hux had screwed things up between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hux done Fucked Up. 
> 
>  
> 
> I know this update was hella long, so if you've made it this far, thanks for sticking with it!
> 
> Bonus points if you picked up on the Kylo/Padme parallels during that final spat. 
> 
> beta'd by the forever lovely [finalizer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/finalizer/%20%E2%80%A6) <3
> 
> One chapter left, folks!


	5. Chapter 5

Of all the places he could have gone to, all the nightclubs and bars and chic lounges that this city had to offer, Kylo always manages to end up here. There was a sense of inevitably to it tonight, a foreboding sense that everything he had seen and done had been burned down to this, the very end of the candle, just before the flickering light goes out.

The bar was dark, hyper-saturated with deep, rich colors. Every available surface was lined with leather, cashmere and luxurious textures from all over the galaxy. The extravagance lining the room and the people within it gave an overall impression of a large closet; slightly stuffy, like a place you might hide as a child and accidentally fall asleep in. Kylo wasn’t sure how much alcohol he had consumed, exactly, but he was certain that it was far too much; and while he could still make out everything around him, he knew that it was unlikely he’d be able to make it home. He turned to address the man next to him, an attractive, rugged human with unusually soft features, wearing a dark navy suit. They hadn’t talked much, but Kylo gathered from his clean, Mid Rim accent (Kylo couldn’t quite place it. _Perhaps Bothawui? Naboo?)_ that the older man was in town for business and that he wasn’t one to linger in the same system for too long.

“How long are you on planet for?” Kylo asked, just for something to say, flashing a shy smile as he took another sip from his sparkling cocktail, the drum of the music buzzing softly in his drunken periphery.

The man shrugged noncommittally as he nursed his drink, his other hand drumming lazily on the countertop as he smirked at Kylo a little dismissively. “I fly out to Naboo tomorrow.”

That was about as personal as Kylo really wanted to get with the man. He wasn’t just hanging out in some gay bar to listen to his life story. Kylo knew precisely what the man wanted from him, and he didn’t want to appear too audacious himself. But at this point in the evening, Kylo was ready to leave, and he wanted to indicate that he was completely open for whatever the man had in mind. Something.

The man ran a hand through his hair and Kylo’s eyes followed it distractedly, golden with a hint of bronze, just like the whiskey he was drinking. Kylo leaned in a little closer until his lips were barely inches away from the man’s ear. He licked his lips, reached out, unsure for a moment if he should go for the waist or the shoulders.

Kylo’s mouth was dry and misbehaving. He licked his lips again before purring low and smoothly, “Do you want to get out of here?”

He breathed against the other man’s neck and the scent of sweat brought him around a bit. A gulp of another breath, and he was steady again. He gripped the man’s waist and squeezed lightly.

The man blinked and nodded. “Sure,” he replied, smiling smugly, clearly happy he didn’t have to do any more work to convince Kylo.

He clearly wasn’t Hux, but in a roundabout way he made Kylo feel like he could be, maybe. He could feel relatively _like_ Hux if Kylo wanted him to be, especially in his heavily inebriated state. The man’s golden hands reminded him of the same sort of firm, intricate pressure Kylo had come to adore, and he’d had his eyes on them most of the night, full of thoughts and wild fantasies as to what they had done, what they could do. The idea was foremost in his mind as Kylo tried to keep himself composed, steeling his wits in a heady effort not to think about his boss. He hadn’t bothered to return any of Hux's calls or text messages. In fact, in the few days since his fight with Hux, he’d barely even gotten out of bed. Sheer exhaustion was good for something, as it turned out, because he was able to get several solid hours of sleep, and more importantly, several solid hours of feeling nothing at all. Not having to think, not having to worry, not having to do anything but exist without struggle. And when he was awake…well. That’s what alcohol is for.

Hux had left several irritated voicemails and even sent him a curt holomessage from the company account, telling Kylo if he didn’t give a valid reason why he missed three days of work, Hux would have to write him up. Unlike the vague moments when Kylo wasn’t sure if Hux was asking or telling, the tone in Hux's voice this time, even distorted by the holo’s recorder, had been unmistakable: this was a command. But Kylo simply slept and drank, not bothering to call, not even to argue. He was still fighting with just going through the motions at this point; he knew he couldn’t go into the office and sit at his desk pretending to go through bylaws and briefs like they mattered. Not for a while, anyway. He needed a break. He couldn’t remember having ever taken a vacation from this job, anyway.

But if he were honest with himself—and, after this many drinks, he was forced to be—Kylo missed Hux. He missed being anchored into the gravity of him, missed being pressed up against him with Hux's hands on his hips, telling him all the things that made him feel important, safe. But Kylo forced himself to remember that he didn’t care, that he was angry at Hux, furious at the way he made him feel then yanked it all away in a second, mad at the fact that all Hux saw when he thought about him was another associate, rather than…whatever he had been a few nights ago. Kylo tried not think about the look in Hux's eyes the last time he’d seen him, or the leer that had played his lips, or the feel of his strong hands holding him down. Kylo tried not to think about him at all. Instead, he finished the rest of his drink and threw a couple hundred credits by his glass as he turned on his stool.

“You’ll be flying, right? Because while I’d like to, I probably shouldn’t.” He flashed another shy smile.

“Sure thing,” the man agreed, and sat his empty glass down, nodding at the bartender before wrapping his hand around Kylo’s waist to steady him. “Come on, let’s go.”

The older man escorted the slightly woozy Kylo out of the bar and into the sleek speeder outside, opening the passenger side door and helping him in so he didn’t stumble and hurt himself. Kylo knew this was a terrible idea, but he was also a man free to make his own choices, regardless of how moronic they were. Kylo watched the man walk around to the driver’s side and climb in, starting it up and smirking arrogantly again, this time at the expensive purr of the engine as he peeled out of the small side hangar.

“Nice ride,” Kylo said, brushing his hand along the plush leather seat and glancing sideways at the man. He definitely didn’t look nearly enough like Hux, but he was still seriously attractive, and that edge of his jaw line might probably feel like Hux's as he imagined the man’s face snuggled against his body. Ironically, Kylo had never seen Hux drive, but Kylo was certain Hux would be much better at handling the controls with precision and elegance than man beside him was currently, clearly trying to show off. Kylo bit back an errant comment about the man’s age even though he was curious. He had to be older than Hux, early forties by the looks of it. The taste in music, the lavish sports speeder, and the expensive suit, were all clear signs of experience and maturity that Kylo still had yet to reach. He hated thinking it, but it reminded him of Hux too much.

He didn’t want to admit how many times he’d scoped out the bar tonight, comparing the men dancing and drinking around him to Hux, all the while grudgingly knowing in the back of his mind that no such person could exist, human or not. Hux was one of a kind.

The man glanced at him just before whipping the speeder into the hotel valet parking, grinning as he patted the dashboard adoringly. “Thank you, but it’s only a rental.”

Kylo smiled back placidly. He didn’t mind making small talk, as long as it didn’t become overbearing or personal. At the very least, the older man seemed to at least appreciate Kylo’s company, which made the prospect of bending over for him that much more bearable. The man turned the speeder off and climbed out before walking swiftly around the passenger side door, holding it open for Kylo. Kylo smiled again more warmly, repressing a slight smirk. _Truly, a gentleman_ , he thought wryly. Kylo at least had to give him credit for trying. The man offered a hand and he took it courteously, pulling away from the luscious seat before the man handed the valet his keys and ushered Kylo through the lobby doors and up the elevators to his hotel room.

Kylo was willing to admit that he didn’t mind the manhandling in the slightest, and he glanced around and saw the bed from across the room, raising a brow questioningly. Kylo wasn’t sure as to whether he should continue with small conversation or just approach him and get down to business. Kylo settled on watching the man kick his shoes off and locked the door, moving to the table to throw his keys down and lay his jacket across the back of one of the chairs. He leaned against the smooth wooden surface and palmed his erection through his dress pants, eyes glinting and gazing alluringly at Kylo.

“Are you going to help me out with this, or are you just going to stand there, sweetheart?”

Kylo ducked his head shyly and nodded, sliding out of his jacket. He stepped carefully out of his own shoes and moved towards him.

Kylo shook his hair out his eyes and glanced up at the man for a moment before kissing him experimentally, softly. The man’s lips were hard and the kiss quickly turned forceful, so Kylo broke it off to mouth along the man’s jaw and neck, gulping for air again. His head swam slightly as he wrapped his fingers around the guy’s belt, fumbling with it until he managed to unclasp it and undo his pants. Kylo knelt in front of him and pulled his pants down slightly. He glanced up at the man’s bluish eyes again, hand smoothing over the obvious bulge before he reached into the tight black boxer briefs and pulled out his length.

As it turned out, it was an illusion through the material. The man wasn’t particularly as well-endowed as Hux, nor did it look anything like he was expecting it would and it kind of threw Kylo off for a moment as he blinked in bewilderment. He paused, almost turned off by it.

“You alright?” The man asked as he placed a steady hand on the back of the younger man’s head, “Overwhelmed or something?” He stared down at Kylo before he grabbed his wallet from the table and pulled out a condom, ripping it open with his teeth and hastily sheathed himself with the extra-lubricated rubber. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure if you wanted—I know it’s kind of a lot to—”

“Y-yeah, thanks,” Kylo lied, stammering. He brushed the man’s hand away and took the length between his lips, almost gagging at the taste but fighting to ignore it as he bobbed his head and touched the man’s soft skin along his waist. He was sort of expecting muscles or something of the sort, the man definitely looked it on the outside, but Kylo found himself not really minding that he was as soft as a marshmallow.

The man moved both of his hands to the table, gripping the edge of it as he undulated his hips, thrusting his length into Kylo’s mouth, groaning and smirking anytime Kylo would choke, or his eyes watered. After a few minutes Kylo just had about enough, he couldn’t stand blowing his dick any longer than he had to.

Kylo withdrew, rising a little unsteadily to his feet as the other man grabbed him by the waist and switched them around, turning him entirely and bending him over the table. The man reached a hand around and unbuttoned Kylo’s pants, dragging the zipper and pulling the fabric to let it fall around his ankles.

“You’re not a virgin or anything, are you?”

Kylo turned his head in time to see the man produce a packet of lube from an inside jacket pocket, squeeze it onto his fingers, and unceremoniously began to gently push one into his entrance, swirling it lazily before adding a second.

“Mmm? No, not by any means,” Kylo admitted, his face blossoming pink. “Farther from it than you can imagine.”

He turned his head forward again smirked to himself, trying to remind himself of his days back in college, _anything but Hux,_ but his memory quickly altered and his mind veered off course. Kylo was losing control, he could feel it, he would regret all of this in the morning, he was certain. He could only think of red hair and strong hands—it was just too much. He needed to forget. He was desperate to feel something other than his grip on his life slipping. He needed the stranger to fuck him senseless, needed to forget that Hux had swept in and turned Kylo’s world upside down.

“Good,” The man mumbled before adding a third finger, insistent inside of him as he stretched him out. Kylo was glad he was considerate enough to pry him loose before pressing against his entrance. Kylo could tell he was eager to just fuck already and he didn’t waste any time in letting the man know he could carry on.

He raised a leg and rested his thigh on the table to broaden and sturdy himself. As expected, the first stretch of the initial intrusion was always the worst, and Kylo had to bite back a strangled cry when the man seated himself inside him. Kylo gasped, clenching his fists and closing his eyes again. He tried to focus on the large hands pressed on to his thigh and hip, pulling him back and holding tight. The heat of the other man stuffing him full and shoveling into him almost painfully felt dirty enough to make Kylo shudder. He swallowed a mouthful of air and immediately his dizziness gave way to nausea. There was some sort of emotion suddenly rousing in him, a dark stifled sensation trying to fight its way through his chest. Kylo bit his lip to keep it from coming out in the form of a sob, or something incoherent and loud.

The man had tangled a set of fingers in his hair, his other hand around his hip. Kylo couldn’t get over the way the man’s hands felt, so solid and so incredibly real. The way one hand was kneading Kylo’s head, the way the other slid smooth and tenderly around his waist and caressed his stomach— how very much they felt like Hux's. The heat rose inside his belly and something abruptly ignited in Kylo’s synapses, sending a signal to every morsel of nerves in his body that this right here, Hux's hands and Hux's movements, were the only things that mattered. Kylo pushed himself off the table and straightened up, his body flushed with his boss’s now, spine rubbing against warm chest and he let his head tilt back to rest against his shoulder, rolling his hips to the melody of his beating heart as he gaped dazedly at the ceiling. He reached back to shove his hand into his hair, dull nails massaging the scalp, moaning in adulterated succession as Hux continued to fuck into him.

“Not sure what you’re trying to do, kid, but I’m not your goddamn boyfriend,” he heard an unfamiliar voice saying through the darkness. Kylo felt his hand being wrenched away, could feel it pinned behind his back as he was pushed forward against the table once more. Kylo shook his head warily, narrowing his brows as he was brought back into the moment, and rather rudely at that. Kylo was suddenly all too aware of this foreign entity behind him. A sense of distance washed over him, and Kylo could see himself from somewhere above. Watched as the man gripped him a little tighter, watched as he continued to go at it with long, hard thrusts, and the sounds of skin slapping against skin filled his ears. Kylo felt like breaking down into a million fragments and crying then, but he fought back the tears as he careened against the other man, trying his best to just let the pounding take over and impelled him to forget what he was doing, and how horribly wrong this was.

The man wasn’t exactly the most sensual of men either, but despite it being a one-night-stand or not, he seemingly made the effort to get Kylo off the best he could. Kylo felt the grasp on his arm loosen as the man reached around his waist to tug at his own hard cock, probably more firm and rough then he had intended, yet Kylo groaned nonetheless as the other man pistoned his hips and changed the angle to rock into him more sufficiently with his movements, aiming for his prostate.

Kylo was breathing heavily now, all the while growing increasingly disgusted with himself as he tried to keep the rhythm between their bodies and push back into the older man’s thrusts. He tightened his muscles around the length convulsing inside of him, chokes of air escaping his throat as his cheeks heated and his own orgasm hit.

The other man groaned loudly all the way through his. He braced his hands against Kylo’s waist as he slammed into him a few good times before stopping completely, filling the condom inside him. He patted Kylo on the ass gingerly, and Kylo let his head fall forward, panting, his damp cheek resting against the cool surface of the polished wood. The man pulled out and Kylo peered at him through hooded eyelids as he removed the condom, tied it, and tossed it into the trash. He pulled his briefs up along with his pants and sauntered idly to the fridge to grab himself a beverage. He popped the cap and turned to look at Kylo, sipping from the long neck bottle.

“I could take you home, or call you a cab, whichever you would be more comfortable with.”

Kylo pulled up his pants and buttoned them as he licked his dry lips and shook the hair out of his eyes. “No. It’s fine. I got it covered...” He wandered to his shoes, toeing them on before grabbing his jacket from where he had left it crumpled on the floor. He felt worse than he had at the bar, ashamed of himself. Rather than the escape he’d wanted, he felt like he was going to be physically sick over what he had done. Not that the feeling surprised him. He sighed deeply, then remembered the man in front of him and glanced up at him again, chiding himself for being rude.

“Thank you for the, uh... for that.”

The man nodded slowly, eyebrows raised as he took another sip of his beer. He strolled to the door and held it open for Kylo.

“Take care, okay? And, uh,” he shrugged and smiled awkwardly, “Thanks, kid.”

Kylo nodded and smiled weakly in return, looking the man over one good time before leaving the room.

It wasn’t too cold outside, but the valet at the front of the hotel had been kind enough to call a cab for him. The trip back was more or less quiet, except for the low jazz music the driver had decided to put on for the ride.

Between looking at the cosmopolitan city filtered through the window and thinking over everything he had just done, Kylo was pretty much a mess, and times like these he wished he had a simpler life. Maybe something like his uncle had once had, a quiet farm out in the countryside, where high-rises were replaced by flat stretches of long highways, slick nightclubs by tawdry rundown bars, and sunlit horizons were the only illumination instead of these artificial ones, dim and restless as he was right now. Maybe then he would be more level-headed.

The cab eventually pulled up beside the curb, and Kylo felt the sharp pain of regret twist throughout his limbs as he stepped out of the vehicle. Kylo lumbered inelegantly across the street to his apartment building, mentally gauging his inebriation and walking with a definite wobble in his step, feeling a wave of exhaustion overcome him. Somehow in the haze of it all—Kylo wasn’t sure how or why it occurred—from out of nowhere, as Kylo made his way closer to the entrance, he found himself face to face with the last person he expected to see.

Kylo heard his heart thud loudly in his ears, beating rapidly against his ribs as the rest of his body froze. After a moment, Kylo folded his arms over his chest, focusing on breathing in the slight chilly air. Then another breath, warmer, because he wasn’t alone anymore, short, because he could feel his thoughts slither away from the pressure.

For a while, they stared at each other without saying a word. There was a pull there, a tide cresting between their gazes, and Kylo could feel it move him, knock him just that much more off balance.

“So we’re a pair of insomniacs it seems,” the other man said casually, leaning into his step and Kylo was torn away from the feeling that the earth was shifting under his feet.

He was disconcerted. When he had left to go out for the night, he couldn’t think, couldn’t pry himself away to see anything or any one else except Hux. Now, there they were, alone, and standing on opposite ends of the universe, sizing each other up.

Kylo tried to think of actual possibilities of why Hux was here of all places, but his brain was momentarily incapacitated, leaving him blank. Hux was still in his work attire and he looked exhausted and worn out. Kylo wondered if Hux had slept at all since their quarrel, wondered whether he tossed and turned endlessly or just laid awake staring at the ceiling, or paced his million-credit apartment with a bottle of Correllian Prime in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

“What are you doing here, Hux?” Kylo spoke suddenly, cutting through the icy tension.

Kylo could now see the expression on the older man’s face, impassive, unreadable, and he felt an elevation of frustration, the anger coming back in swarms and pushing out all the hurt.

“You didn’t return any of my calls. I was starting to worry.”

Hux had no right standing here all arrogant and imposing after having said the things he said. The longer Kylo looked at him, the less offended and intoxicated he became, and the more self-assured he felt. Kylo had been perfectly happy ignoring the attraction he felt for his boss, admiring him from afar, but it was Hux that changed their relationship, it was Hux that initiated those touches and kisses, it was he who muttered all those things into Kylo’s ear in that tone that had Kylo falling to his knees and giving him everything. Technically, this was all Hux's fault. Hux made Kylo fall in love with him and now he acted as if it were just another ordinary night and he hadn’t basically marched all over Kylo’s heart.

_Stupid—fucking—Brendol—_

“After everything, this is how we’re going to play it?” Kylo snapped, and Hux didn’t even flinch, he barely moved, gazing back at Kylo with those eyes like he might just burn him to cinders and leave his impression black-charred in the concrete.

“I’m not playing anything, Kylo. I came here to see you. I want to talk.”

Kylo rolled his eyes, but at the same time he couldn’t help his stomach from doing the automatic flip that it usually did whenever Hux was just out of arms reach, it was short lived however, as Kylo reminded himself that he was still mad.

“Now isn’t a good time. Go home,” he retaliated, and this time it was Hux's turn to sigh.

“No. I’m not leaving. Not until you hear what I have to say.” His voice was low, velvety and perilous, the exact same tone he used with Kylo in the bedroom. It seemed as if he were doing it on purpose. It wasn’t fair. Hux had to know what it did it to him.

“It’s not a good time right now, Hux, just go home,” Kylo repeated, he was already halfway to smacking this man across the fucking face.

“I said I’m not leaving,” Hux said more firmly. He sounded as tired as he looked, but there was also impatience lurking under his stare and Kylo could definitely see the beginnings of anger pulsing through his veins.

Perhaps it was weakness on Kylo’s behalf at hearing Hux's perseverance, or perhaps it was the alcohol still swirling inside him. Whatever it was, he was determined to not let Hux see it as he brushed pass him to swipe his keys and pulled the door open. Kylo lowered his gaze and gestured him into the building, resigned. He knew Hux was far too stubborn to leave now.

“You know, you are in a whole lot of trouble for walking out and then not showing up for work,” Hux admonished him as they entered the elevator.

Kylo snorted in response, still not looking at him. “Yes, I know. So sue me. Or better yet, just fire me.” He brutally punched the number ten on the dial and fixated his eyes on the numbers above, watching them blink as they passed the first few floors, bathing the elevator in a red light.

“I don’t think you understand what I mean, and I don’t appreciate the sarcasm.” Hux's voice had turned quiet and left no room for dispute. “And can you please look at me when I’m speaking to you?”

Kylo might have been leaning a little bit toward him, or maybe it was the weariness disrupting his sense of balance, but it had just occurred to him how close they were, and how he could feel the burn of Hux's eyes, slightly bloodshot, the pink veins complementing the color of the digital numbers. That same burning gaze was pointed directly at him, eyes searching his, and Kylo breathed deliberately and slowly, trembling with the nervousness and possibility he couldn’t name or even characterize within his own mind.

From the corner of his eye, Kylo saw Hux take a step closer and Kylo clutched at the elevator railing, eyes trained firmly on the red glow of the elevator numbers, pretending to pay no heed.

“I won’t ask you again. Look at me.” His words were like broken glass, transparent and rough-edged. His hand was already hovering over Kylo’s shoulder, threatening to descend on him and Kylo wanted to reach for it, only it terrified him more than anything else. He had to fight against it, to show at least some bout of strength.

“No,” he said, sternly, and Hux reached forward, enclosing his fingers around Kylo’s chin, forcing his head around. But stubborn as he was, Kylo twisted out of his grasp, smacking his hand away.

“Look at me, for fuck’s sake,” Hux slammed his hand against the wall of the elevator by his head and Kylo jumped slightly.

It took everything in him and more to not crumple into Hux's arms and melt as he finally looked up at him, the alcohol mixing with the anger buzzing through his system, and he knew his eyes must be tinged with tears right now.

“Now you listen to me,” he retorted, ignoring the frowning look from Hux. “You’re the one that started this, so how about you grow a fucking pair and have the guts to follow this through.”

Kylo’s head was spinning again. The way his body reacted to Hux was getting harder to control, splitting him in two. He wanted to scream at Hux and punch him, wanted to quit his job and never see him again—but he also wanted to kiss Hux and hold him, wanted to provide him with every ounce of love and kindness he could ever offer and never leave.

Somewhere, Kylo heard the soft ping of the elevator, heard doors sliding open and then shutting, but neither of them moved. Kylo could feel the faint shudder of the elevator as it begun its descent back down, bathing them in red light again.

“You don’t understand,” there was a hint of reproach in Hux's tone, and still, Kylo wouldn’t have any of it. He didn’t want to be lectured about why Hux didn’t want him. “Please, just listen to me.”

“No.” Kylo was shaking his head. “I don’t want to hear it, Bren, I...” he could hear the pathetic pleading in his own voice, but Hux interrupted him, suddenly pressing a finger to his lips to shut him up.

“Kylo, I’m sorry.” At hearing those two words, the genuineness of it coming from those lips, Kylo just about nearly choked on his own tongue. “I didn’t mean to belittle you the way I did and I didn’t mean to purposefully make you feel this way. That was never my intention. I just thought it was what we both wanted.”

There was so much indecipherable emotion on Hux's face right now and Kylo couldn’t take it. It was unclear. The truth was, many elements of Hux were still terribly unclear and maybe things were to forever remain ambiguous between them.

Kylo had to just learn to accept it, or let it slowly kill him.

“Hux, the first time we slept together you threw money into my hand afterwards. I think that just about said it all with what kind of relationship this was going to be.”

It was almost like worship, like prayer, the way Hux was looking at him, and Kylo nearly drowned in the feeling that there was some hope in all of this, that perhaps there was some kind of logic he had overlooked in this tangled world of their dysfunction. Regardless of the anguish it was causing, there was still a glowing, even now, around the edges of his heart, a tug towards Hux, a craving for his skin, his touch. Kylo wanted Hux's smile, his attention. He wanted to be the source of even a brief moment of happiness in Hux, but because he feared rejection, the failure of never being loved in return, he would never say so.

“Come on, that was for a cab, Kylo. I was trying to be considerate. I didn’t think of it any other way, because that is not how I think of you.”

Kylo contemplated him for an instant, and he could see the sincerity and truth behind Hux's eyes. He was still uncertain however, distrusting. He didn’t know what to make of it, unsure of what to do, as he sometimes was in social situations and nearly always was with Hux. In lieu of anything more subtle, he went for the direct, desperately needing a definitive confirmation of…this.

“What do you think of me, then? I mean really, Hux? Other than the fact that I’m an easy fuck.”

“Kylo, just stop it. That is not true. I like you. I honestly do. I certainly didn’t ask you to stay over that night because I don’t like you, or don’t care.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel special? Because it doesn’t.”

Hux sighed heavily, pressing a hand to his face as if he were embarrassed or in pain. “Look, Kylo,” he said, eventually, “What I came here to say is— what I want to tell you is that I— I’m here, okay? If you believe... whatever,” he shrugged in despair. “You got me.”

Kylo suddenly felt as though he was trying to swallow something that was stuck in his throat. He knew there were a million ways to take those words, a million things they could mean. Hux likely meant them in the most casual of ways. Like an exasperated parent tired of playing tag with their enthusiastic child. There was nothing exclusive in them; nothing that proved Kylo was any more special or important than any one else. ‘You got me’ didn’t mean only _you_ , and it didn’t mean _me_ more than any one. But Kylo believed, or he wanted to believe it was something more, and that belief was the weight hanging in his throat, making it hard for him to breathe.

Kylo forced himself to swallow, feeling the lump drop and then bobbed back up again.

“I—” His voice was chalkier, more gravelly than usual. It rubbed raw along his rib cage before finding its way up. “I... I appreciate that, thank you.”

It was not relief. It was nowhere nearly enough.

“And you,” he started, and dared to meet Hux's eyes point on. “You’ve got me, too.”

The corner of Hux's mouth curved upward, the rest of his mouth following suit, and even now, even with everything that had happened, what they had done and whatever they were about to do, it felt like the sun was coming out, peeking from behind the moon and forcing daylight through the night. It made Kylo feel light and fuzzy, with all the tightness in his chest and all the madness dissipating, he was struggling with the words, his soul vibrating too hard that he couldn’t stop and had to let it all out.

“You’ve always had me, Hux.”

Just this one admission broke down a thousand walls. Kylo was letting him know for the first time what Hux meant to him, and if they were to touch now, it was Kylo’s way of giving him permission to take him and own him forever.

He smiled up at Hux wryly, unable to hide it. “I hate you.”

“I know, Kylo,” Hux said. He reached for him then, a hand wide on Kylo’s thigh, and Kylo felt a thousand pins kindle beneath his skin. “I know.” His fingers were firm along the inseam of his pants. He squeezed gently, a touch Kylo was sure was meant to be reassuring, innocent.

Kylo’s thoughts were less so however, he could feel the heat of Hux's palm practically melting through the fabric and into his flesh, searing his muscle and seeping down into his bones. It awakened something in him, a physical sensation uncurling deep in his chest, spreading through his limbs, and Kylo looked at that hand, perfect, wholesome, right there to hold him with the promise of infinite warmth and comfort.

Exhaling hard, he looked up at Hux. “Does this complicate things now?” Kylo asked, starting a new line of conversation, one he presumed would bring confidence that this right here was legitimate and not some game. “I mean, not to say that things aren’t already complicated.”

Hux dropped his head to stare at the floor, and Kylo took in his face, his pristine features, his unblemished skin with slight wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. Hux hadn’t aged much since Kylo first laid eyes on him, but he could see the stress of his profession was slowly taking its toll.

“Complicated means everything cuts two ways. Some days won’t be so good.” Hux's eyes fluttered upward, smiling, but only barely. “Some days will be better.”

Kylo was hyper-aware of Hux's fingertips against his wrist and his other hand creeping its way around his thigh. This was no imagining, but the reality of what Kylo had been really yearning for: Hux tender and close against him and not acting like a stranger at some bar.

Hux shifted, pressing closer and Kylo bit his lip, wanting to say, _I’ll do the best I can_ and _show me so I can be all that you need_. He wanted to cover Hux's hand with his own and lead Hux where Kylo wanted him to go, but Kylo wasn’t very good at being a leader, and he was certain he would steer them in the wrong direction and down the catastrophic path to hell.

“Kylo,” was all Hux could say. Nothing more and nothing less, Kylo’s name simply slipping from his lips. But there was nothing simple about it, really; the weight of the syllables seeping from him to rest heavy in Kylo’s heart, so much inexpressible meaning behind them.

Kylo’s fingers flexed as he reached to touch Hux's face. He breathed out his name, another single word, low and quiet with all the seriousness of an answer to a question Hux didn’t know how to ask.

“Hux.”

In that moment, their names together sparked creation, cosmically forcing their new universe to expand around them, feeling all too much after so little, an enormity of everything blasting the cold emptiness into oblivion. Hux seized Kylo with both hands and reigned on him, closing the massive black hole that had kept them apart all this time, filling him with stars and planets and supernovas, the gravity of their bodies blown to galactic proportions. Kylo could barely breathe, losing all train of thought under the assault of Hux's heavenly lips. He could taste the bitterness of cigars and the tang of alcohol on his breath. It was a pleasant, familiar kind of taste, making heat flourish deep in his gut as he groaned, pushing Hux back a step, and then another. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew against the wall inside this elevator was not where they needed to be.

He felt heavy hands wrap around his starched collar, loosening his tie where it cinched at the top, and Kylo was still too busy looking for a rationalization when Hux pulled it out and bunched it carelessly in the hand winding its way around the back of Kylo’s neck, his other drawing him in hip to hard hip. All the while soft breaths tinged with desperation rushed sweetly into his mouth, and plush lips pressed determinedly against his with quick, wet, licks.

“Hu—” Kylo started, and he tried to attach the end of his name, but every time he closed his lips for the ‘x’ Hux's mouth sealed them shut with wax-hot kisses. “Hu...” Again, it was no good, and he couldn’t blame it entirely on the alcohol. No, Force help him, Kylo was falling in love all over again, and Hux had to be completely infatuated with him in some way, which had to explain the hard bulge Kylo could feel radiating heat through into his pelvic bone and making him moan uselessly against Hux's decadent mouth.

“We need to get out of here,” Kylo murmured, sliding his tongue into Hux's mouth, hands finally finding the capability to stroke down across the other man’s neck, his shoulders, pressing fingers into the luxurious fabric as he made his way down along his spine. Hux shuddered in his arms and Kylo swore he saw sparks fly.

“Kylo, you—”

They were staggering, tumbling, couldn’t stop falling into each other as their mouths caught once more and fitting together ever so perfectly in an exploration that was all at once searching and soft, yet searing and intense. Hux's tongue lapped across the flat of Kylo’s muscle, and it drew a breathless moan from both of them.

Hux wavered, pausing for air. “You—you smell different,” he breathed, mouth still half pressed against Kylo’s. “You smell like...”

Kylo was so lost in Hux's world that he’d nearly forgotten about the happenings of his own, about the rendezvous he’d had with a total stranger. There was no possible way Hux would have known otherwise, but the idea of letting Hux have him tainted with someone else’s touch and their scent felt like infidelity. In the beacon of his fury he had been stupid and impulsive, gone the one place he never thought he would, unstable again for the first time since he’d started working for Hux. He felt surge of guilt well up inside his heart, and he had to take a step back to gain some composure.

“I know... I wasn’t... It was just a spur of the moment type thing.”

Hux looked at Kylo, lost in thought, and for a brief second Kylo could see disappointment flicker in his eyes. “I see.”

Kylo could clearly tell Hux was hesitant to ask, but he was also half convinced that Hux knew exactly why he’d done it, and what he was thinking while he did it. Hux shifted awkwardly, and his expression changed, there was a pure sort of earnestness clear in his eyes now and what appeared to be underlying remorse pulling his brows tight.

“Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow night.”

Kylo stiffened, his newly minted heart hammering in his chest and he stared at Hux with wide eyes. “Is that a question, or a demand?”

Hux's face was close again, his head tilted, his eyes warm and full of something Kylo wasn’t sure of yet. “It’s a question. You can say no if you want. I would understand. I feel like I owe it to you though, so please, let this be a start of…something else. Let me make it up to you.”

Kylo’s hands found Hux's forearms, covering it as he pressed firmly against the sleeves of his suit jacket. Kylo didn’t need a moment to consider. Kylo had to trust him to not back out, that he would go all the way this time and not lead them astray.

And besides, this was Hux. He could never say no to Hux.

“Okay.”

It felt satisfying to have Hux's comforting body flushed against him like this again, to have his thigh between his own and his pelvis pressing firm against his own crotch. Hux held him tight, weighing him down and keeping him grounded. Kylo wasn’t entirely convinced that things were moving forward, but he acknowledged the efforts all the same, because it was one step nearer to fulfilling a need he had hungered so long for, and a huge step closer to being with the man he loved. Kylo would walk through fire for Hux, would be there for him in every way when he asked for it. He would often find himself frustrated and angry with Hux, but he was unable to hate him, unable to truly leave for good, even when he couldn’t stand him. Kylo concentrated on the gravity of those hands for a moment, basked in the sweet relief as they kissed once more, open-mouthed, unchaste, with every intention of doing something more and it felt as if he was going home for the very first time.

Hux wiggled away eventually, pressing a hand to Kylo’s face gently and whispered in his ear that he had to leave, and that he expected Kylo back at the office bright and early to go through some briefing for an acquisition. Kylo was positively tranquil by the time he made it back up to the tenth floor to his apartment.

The city’s luminosity seeped through the window in front of him as he entered his bedroom. Up until a few hours ago, Kylo wouldn’t have allowed a single patch of light to dance on the floor. He would have drawn the curtains, wallowed in the darkness and let it devour him entirely. Now specks of dust glimmered like stars scattered in the night sky, and Kylo contentedly let his eyes absorb the radiance of the streetlights buildings aglow with electricity. He sat on his bed staring at the sight of dawn breaking through the night to make way for the sunrise, that simple earthly delight, stirring deep emotions he had never felt before. He felt the urge to fly, to run, to climb the highest building and express the mountain of feeling that was overwhelming him with every sight, every sound, touch, and taste he could embrace.

It was all Hux. He was the catalyst of this remarkable change that was happening, the man who through his very existence had taken hold of the fraying arc of Kylo’s world and knotted it together into stability. Musing, he brought up a hand to absently comb through his hair. He touched a long finger to his collar, and realized that Hux had taken his tie. He chuckled.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no excuse for how late this is, so to compensate I'm doing a double update! I wanted to do an epilogue from Hux's POV, but realized that tacking it on at the end of chapter 5 would make it wayyy too long (even though this fic is already so much longer than I planned. haha). 
> 
> thanks again to [finalizer](http://archiveofourown.org/users/finalizer/%20%E2%80%A6) <3 for all their amazing support& beta-ing throughout this process. 
> 
> Forgive me for the late update! also feel free to come talk to me on my twitter (@ lucskywalks). It's been great writing for you all! see you soon!


	6. Epilogue

Mesmerized. Taken apart. Disorientated. Stitched together. Once, twice, three times, over and over, a vicious cycle. 

 

Until finally, the last remnant tatters of his famous defenses and evasions and resistance disintegrated.

 

Not that the man before him was entirely to blame. They’d been orbiting around that awkward space between casual conversation and mild flirting before Hux gave in and initiated this unorthodox exercise, right in the middle of an important case they were rushing into overtime to complete for tomorrow’s deadline. Hux could almost feel the pressure of the future over him like a full moon, so beautiful and so terrifying at once. He knew that everything had changed, whatever it was, good or bad, that it had already happened, and here they were, now, together, heading to the next phase of the inevitable conclusion.

 

It was eight-thirty at night, and the office was dark. Only the light filtered in from the artificial stars of the busy city beneath them lit up their bodies. Hux could faintly make out the contours of his associate’s physique, but that was not what he was concentrating on. He was more focused on the way Ren’s body rose and fell in time with his, the tenuous heat hovering over him and consuming Hux entirely as he shifted in the leather comfort of his tufted office chair, angling himself to better feel the other man’s touches at the same time he was being driven to absolute submission.

The movement, the lazy smile, the intense lust in Ren’s eyes belying his casual tone— these things were pushing Hux beyond any reasonable limits of self-control. His thoughts came in all jumbled and then they were buried by kisses, buried by Ren’s mouth sensuous on his, his ridiculously plush lips urgent and possessive, laving on the flirtatious flicker of tongue and pushing deeper into Hux’s mouth for him to swallow or choke on. Ren was seemingly the predator now, throwing Hux back and overwhelming him, wood and musk and hints of violet spice. A potent taste, a sensory stimulus all around him and yet he couldn’t pinpoint any of it. The whole planetnarrowed on to the two of them moving together, to the harsh intakes of breath and lips caressing skin. Their bodies were practically glowing, emotion transmuted into warmth for just one moment while Hux tried to make sense of what Ren was really telling him.

 

Hux held on and closed his eyes, allowing Ren to batter down and tear through his walls like a rainstorm; he was more drenched in Ren’s body than he ever had been in lakewater or rainwater—Hux always felt like he was drowning in Ren, barely able to stay afloat in the tide of him, the undertow of Ren’s laugh and smile and _mouth_ always knocking the breath out of him. It didn’t and it still would never be comprehensible to Hux how Ren managed to do it, how he could manage to make such a primitive and powerful sensation explode inside him. He was breathing in great mouthfuls of air as Ren moved on him, against him, all over him, hands trailing warm prints beneath his shirt, grazing his skin like licks of flame, and thick, soft lips pressed so hot to his sternum heading down to his stomach. Hux could no longer control the open and shut gasping of his mouth, the jagged inhalations of breath, and the desperate repetition of Ren’s name over and over, like waves, pulling him under, feeling all articulacy leave him. 

 

_Yes_ was Ren’s only response.

 

Hux figured he was too busy concentrating… memorizing his body as readily as he learned the crests and pitfalls of case law. Diligent, as Ren slid to the floor between his open legs and slipped those precious lips around the crown of his cock. Determined, as Ren took the base in one steady hand and rubbed his thumb tantalizingly over the vein. Hux squirmed despite himself, moaned a little when Ren’s other hand drifted upward to feel the hard outlines of Hux’s abdominal muscles, his skin flushed, sensitive, warm, with both nipples peaking from under his open dress shirt. 

 

From somewhere a deep, breathless intone tumbled out from his throat, quavering without prelude, a sound of pure need and un-tempered pride. Hux fought for some level of jurisdiction, fought to plaster his hips back down against the chair and to not choke Ren even though it was all he wanted to do. He felt raw and hot, and Hux had no thought beyond anything than wanting to be touched, wanting Ren to take him apart piece by piece and devour every inch of him. Ren was sinful and perfect. Obstinate. Lips wrapped just below the ridge and refusing to go deeper. Hux let his head tip back, the bright patchwork of skyscraper windows giving way to a bland ceiling. Just as well, he thought— it was almost too much sensation to administer at once, with Ren’s soft, pulsing sucks and all the shifting lights. Hux clutched the arms of his chair and held on for dear life. It was almost embarrassing to see how quickly he was falling. One lick of Ren’s wet muscle along the ridge once more, dipping down to lap below and Hux arched in his seat, falling inescapably, falling forever and ever into an endless pit and expelling out like a dying star, pulsing faintly with life.

 

Hux called out Ren’s name as Ren drew him in with one liquid motion, his breathing roughened as though he had been running a marathon. Ren looked up at Hux then, eyes shining in the semi darkness of the room, swirling his tongue across the glistening slit of Hux’s dick as their gazes locked. He looked completely debauched and professional at the same time. Hux was fascinated by this effect, by the intense emotion surging through him caused by this man that he had to look away, except, he couldn’t look away. His head was too full of obstacles and became even more so as Ren pushed onward and swallowed Hux again, moaning his way down, fingers and lips pressing.

 

Caressing. 

 

Hux bit his lip, his mind swimming with the specificity of the sensation, how different and distinct they felt on him at the same time. Textures, pressure… pleasure. Overpowering one at a time, but lethal together. He clutched Ren’s shoulder with one hand, gripped his hair loosely with the other, and shuffled himself a little, aligning closer to Ren like a corresponding parenthesis. Hux thought he should have been doing more, giving back somehow, but Ren was so, so incredibly good at this that it became too much. He didn’t know how it was possible to feel this tender and desperate. To feel himself become undone at the seams from Ren’s mouth brutal against his with a fullness that completely shattered him, leaving him feeling greedy and gluttonous for more.

 

Hux’s emotions were running wild now, difficult and complex. Confusing… yet, there was something else, something large blossoming in his breast that was beautiful and untouched. Untainted. Hux could feel the torturous dragging of the warm, wet heat, almost rough stroking, of Ren’s tongue, the clear extract at the tip seeping hot and sticky against the head. Hux shuddered from the extremity, caught between Ren and the cushions of the chair. His balls felt heavy and tight, his thigh tensing rhythmically, his hips jerking involuntarily upward. When Ren groaned briefly, sliding one hand around Hux’s hip to slip his fingers between the crease of his ass cheeks, the slight gentle press at his entrance, Hux wanted to curl up in his chair and die.

 

“Fuck, Ren, yes—” he gasped—

 

It was more stimulation than what he was used to. Unbearable, even; Hux’s breath fell short, crushed from the weight of Ren’s hold on him as he stroked up in double time, fist hot and fast, lips stretched wide to accommodate Hux fully and take him deeper. The head of Hux’s girth bumped against Ren’s soft palate, and without even watching Hux knew how it must of looked, how Ren’s obscene mouth had to be so big and round, his cheeks hollowed with the force of his suction. Hux growled and shouted, an incoherent sentence that he strangled with words like “fuck” and another string of _yesrenyes yes_ until he broke right through the steady influence of Ren’s hand on his body to thrust, merciless, up into the gaping, eager pink mouth of his.

 

Ren’s infinite warmth continued to burn holes through his flesh, and Hux wished there weren’t layers of virgin wool and pressed cotton between them, he wanted instead to have skin on skin, increase the sensation he was experiencing. Hux found his heart beating faster in his chest, noticeably so, and though he wondered that it might have had something to do with Ren’s proximity and the heat of his mouth, Hux wasn’t entirely sure, because he had never felt like this before about any one, heart racing and breath stuttering, nerves tingling with electricity. He knew intellectually, of course,

the reason why Ren was here, the reason why Ren was touching him, why they were lost in the comfort, solace and pleasure in each other’s company. In each other’s bodies.

 

Ren hummed again as his lips moved down the length of him, tongue painting him root to tip in saliva, filling Hux’s body with his hot breath and lasciviousness. Hux gripped him tighter, pulling him in, fingers glissading through Ren’s hair until Ren withdrew with a lewd pop before descending back down, swallowing him whole and Hux drowned in the pleasure and his feelings that threatened to burn him to ash and blow his entire world apart. A shudder of exquisite ecstasy ripped its way up Hux’s spine and Hux remembered himself, craning his neck to look down, and mumbled, 

 

“Ren, I’m close, I’m really fucking close.”

 

Ren responded to him with an encouraging groan. He fastened his lips around Hux’s cock and sucked harder. Hux was straining on the edge of madness now. Everything was a hot, dizzy blur, like an electrical charged cloud about to burst. He was one lightning strike away. Several actually, as Ren moaned grotesquely, a devilish swipe of his tongue and a sudden jostle of fingertips against his sack. All at once, it lit up his brain with sparks and Hux came with a cry, sound pulled from deep within the very core of him.

 

Stars flashed in front of his eyes, too bright and blinding, so he closed them, letting it pour over him instead in a flood of glimmering gold, enjoying the dying intimacy of the moment, the way Ren breathed in sharp through his nose as he worked Hux through it. Hux spiraled down, bones melting and floating in an infusion of languid bliss and perplexity. He loved Ren here and now for everything he was and everything he did, appreciating him for the strength to give him in such a way, to be Hux’s as Hux had always been his.

 

He was so wrapped up in these thoughts, these emotions, that he didn’t even register Ren had pulled away until he felt the sudden cooling of his flesh. Opening his eyes, Hux was struck by Ren slithering up his body to kiss his hipbone, his stomach, his chest, then when he flicked his tongue against Hux’s nipple, his whole body crumbled. He was oversensitive, winded, and he almost laughed when Ren’s mouth reached his and lingered there. He could only halfway return the kiss however, because none of his muscles were obeying him, least of all his lips.

 

It was exhilarating to have Ren’s tongue licking into his mouth, to sit back and take it all. His hand found enough strength to curl around Ren’s waist and pull him down against him. He registered Ren’s erection slowly grinding into his pelvis, Ren’s body rocking leisurely to his own rhythm, searching for friction, and most of all, release.

 

Hux dropped his lazy smirk and started to kiss back, his own tongue laving over Ren’s in mid-lick and drawing a quivering gasp from him. It didn’t take much more energy than that to trail his hand along the hip and underneath the layers of fabric to the other man’s cock, to press his fingertips against the bulge of the vein and draw his thumb over the head. Ren’s dick was practically weeping, and when Hux smeared the wetness down the entire length of his velvet-silk skin and back up again, Ren let out a loud, full-throated moan.

 

Against him and around him, Ren undulated into Hux’s fist at his own pace. He was working hard to drive himself toward an orgasm that he had most certainly been holding back for minutes, hours, perhaps a whole day even.

 

His movements were short and quick and rough. He was panting thickly against Hux’s mouth. A wretched sound Hux couldn’t quite hear over the thrumming of his own heart in his ears, words he couldn’t quite make out by feel. He started to let the kisses break more frequently as he continued to drive Ren forth as Ren leaned forward and buried his head in Hux’s neck, his lips closing wet and warm around a space of soft skin beneath the lobe of his ear, giving a sudden cry, and then he came unexpectedly into Hux’s hand, shuddering.

 

Hux clawed through Ren’s hair, holding him steady. Ren was a lead weight on top of him and for the first time Hux could feel the sound of Ren reverberating into his knuckles, the rippling of his essence, not through the touch of skin, but because of this; this overwhelming desire to be close and to get into his inner recesses. It was now his turn to support the shaking and faltering man on his lap. Hux kept the embrace tight, a shivering angel in his grasp, both of them drenched in silence deeper than an ocean, the moment too precious a treasure to ruin with words.

 

When Ren was ready, Hux let him go and Ren drew back to look at him. His eyes betraying a hint, just a hint of fear as their gazes met. Hux answered with unafraid acceptance, and the hardness returned back into Ren’s expression almost immediately.

 

“Shit,” Ren murmured, voice low and wrecked.

 

“Feel alright?” Hux whispered, kissing him gently.

 

Ren ran his hands down Hux’s torso. “Yes,” he said, closing his eyes briefly, “you do.”

 

“That’s not what I— oh, nevermind,” Hux huffed, slumping back into his chair. Ren broke away from Hux to stand, hovering over him. “Are you okay?” Hux said again, and smirked a little when Ren nodded vigorously, flyway strands of his hair still plastered to his forehead.

 

“Wow,” Ren said softly, by the way of an answer.

 

“I know,” Hux grinned, searching for the right words. He came up with, “You’re so perfect.”

 

“Thank you.” But Ren didn’t smile, didn’t even register Hux right then as he looked down at himself and fumbled clumsily to pull up his briefs and dress pants, before turning away from him in favor for the glass wall.

 

Hux stood from his seat also, grabbing a handful of tissues from his desk to wipe away Ren’s secretion off his hands, his knees wobbling as he found his balance again. He felt good as new— no, better, but the weight of the universe had shifted. Ren’s possession over him was still roaring through his blood; red-hot and thirsty with a new rush of intensity. Still trying to find his breath, he tucked in his shirt and zipped up his trousers. There was a changed staleness in the room now that Hux did not like.

 

“I’m sorry, Ren. I didn’t mean…”

 

“Hux,” Ren looked over his shoulder and gazed at him, a slight furrowing of his brows as he blinked. “It’s okay. We don’t have to talk.”

 

Hux raised an eyebrow, almost smiling in the way he usually did when he was confused or unsure, yet still poised with his professional demeanor, not breaking from Ren’s glare. “We don’t?”

 

The barest sliver of a smile emerged from the younger man’s mouth. “No. I’m content.”

 

“Oh.” Hux tried to relax, to let the silence settle. He moved to stand side by side with Ren. He stared straight ahead, out across the cityscape, taking in the view, to try and put aside the planes of Ren’s body, the inviting rosy warmth of his mouth, to let all that be for a bit. But it was impossible. He glanced sideways at him. “Ren?”

 

“Yes?” Ren’s eyes hadn’t left his face. His fixed gaze was so level and lingered too long on him that Hux felt himself stagger over his sense of balance like he had never done before.

 

In the rise and fall of his breath, Hux felt his shoulders sag a little as he surveyed the younger man’s face. In that moment he allowed himself a weak chuckle, because despite all this time, despite all his efforts to suppress his desires and any emotional attachment to Ren with an obscene amount of potential, all that time wasted bombarding his own brain with rationalizations as to why they should not, could not, would not work, he had finally come to the realization that Ren was the only person, ever, who had the capability to take control over him. Whether Ren himself knew it or not, the younger man’s presence held the ability to completely change Hux’s mood and spin his world three-hundred-and-sixty-degrees on its axis. Hux had deliberated that by fulfilling what he believed was a solution to a problem that things would go back to normal, to what he assumed normal felt like. 

 

But the more Hux contemplated, the more he realized that from the start, from day one, his relationship with his associate attorney had been anything but normal. The wave of truth was beyond his credulity. Every struggle, every attempt he would give to push Ren away or kick him out the door, only ended up grinding Hux harder into the wall, adding another degree of heat and another bruise to the twisted pressure building inside of him.

 

What Hux understood, but refused to concede for a while, was that he did care a whole lot more about the numerous people in his life other than himself. Yet despite all of these feelings of caring for others, what he felt for Ren, or how he felt about him, was something else entirely. The thing about it was, Hux could easily compartmentalize every one else, but he couldn’t put a box around Ren, and he would never be able to. Ren was simply extraordinary. Every single thing about him defied classification and itemization. Ren was disorganized, and disorganization was what drove Hux mad and out of his mind.

 

In many ways it was a strange and a fresh experience for him, the pain and the knowledge that even here, like this, powerless and subservient as Ren could be, he managed to still bring Hux to his knees. Hux belonged to him, and to a passion that was bigger than the both of them combined.

 

“What are you thinking?” Hux asked, quietly, reaching down and covering Ren’s hand with his own. With his fingers around Ren’s wrists, he could feel the irregular beat of his heart, and when he stroked his fingertips along that throbbing point, the tempo increased. “You’re frowning at me. I thought we agreed things are looking up.”

 

“I’m not frowning,” Ren corrected him, shaking his head, “and I’m not thinking much either.”

 

Hux wasn’t convinced. He started to speak, but Ren silenced him, mouth to mouth, and Hux would forever internally curse Ren and his insistence to get under his skin in ways no one else could. He was resolved to nothing more than to admit defeat once again, even if the lawyer in him had the strong urgency to fight this and be the victor. It wasn’t particularly any kind of mental stammer. Hux felt it was as if Ren didn’t want him to think too much about what this meant and how it was evolving them, as if he were afraid the response Hux would give him would tthrow his world into oblivion and they would be back to where they started.

 

Ren swallowed, a reflex Hux could feel in his own mouth and throat. Hux latched on to the kiss, sucking on his tongue, his lips, refusing to give him a second to breathe. The moment of crisis was coming now, and everything was made up of Ren. A universe he had never had before, something to begin to make up for what he never experienced with anybody, not until now.

 

This was never part of the plan.

 

Their relationship was supposed to have defined lines and boundaries that were meant to protect them from this very situation. But he had become so overwhelmed by all these feelings and their refusal to listen to reason, and seeing as Ren was doing whatever the hell it was that he did, setting Hux’s mind into disarray, being privy to those machinations, undid the months of cement and bricks Hux had been stacking in a nice little wall around his heart. No matter what, Hux could not get his idiot and perfectly cute, savant of an associate off his mind. All he could think about was Ren had somehow managed to become the most important person in his life and he struggled endlessly to picture his life without Ren in it.

 

Regardless of how often Hux would treat his associate, when it all came down to it, Ren was a great attorney who would go high and far in his career. When they were alone together the sex was amazing, and when it was just the two of them hanging out, not as colleagues, but as mutual friends, he felt relaxed and content in a way he had never felt with anyone else. He had fallen in too deep with Ren, more than he probably should be and definitely more than was wise to. There was no going back at this point.

 

Ren was the first to pull away and he stared at Hux; bright, beautiful brown eyes displaying every color of emotion, that Hux felt himself sink further into the invisible quicksand beneath his feet. He couldn’t look away, if ever, because Ren’s eyes weren’t only the windows to his soul, they were there to learn, eager to absorb information at the same time they were comforting and sensitive. Intriguing. Not just naïve, but hopeful, always, and Hux found himself completely lost in them.

 

“It’s just... it’s too much,” Ren confessed, grimacing. “It’s— I want— I want so much from you. But I’m afraid that—” He swallowed again, pausing, as if he didn’t know how to finish what he wanted to say. But it didn’t matter, because he was kissing Ren again, an extra twinge of emotion on his tongue that wasn’t his own, but belonged to Ren now; tender, gentle, without any intention of sex or ownership, just a gesture of whole sincerity until he had his hands braced affectionately around Ren’s gorgeous, flushed face, kissing him as though he may never stop. _The hell with it all_ , he thought carelessly, so filled up with the power of the other man that he couldn’t even find the actual words, _I don’t want to stop_.

 

When he did stop, it was because Ren was wheezing against his mouth, trying to suck in air. Hux broke away quick and bit his lip, embarrassed and pleased by how far he had lost himself in that kiss. Ren bit his lip, too, once he had breath in him to move. Hux ran his thumb over Ren’s cheek, pressing his face against Ren’s neck and softly kissed the hollow of this throat. At the contact, the smooth and speckled flesh warm under his lips, Hux felt Ren shiver under his hands and brought Ren’s head forward to align with his own, making sure his eyes were deadlocked and steady with his.

 

“We spoke about this, Kylo. Over and over again. What more can I give you? What more do you need from me?”

 

“I know, Hux—”

 

“Do you trust me?” he interjected. It was a ludicrous sort of a question, because Hux was acquainted with the fact that Ren already knew the answer.

 

“Yes. Of course.”

 

“Then trust me. Trust me always when I say that I want to be with you. That I want you.”

 

There was a moment of silence. It couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds, but Hux was sure that it was the longest thirty seconds he had ever experienced, until Ren reached for Hux’s waist to hold him firmly with certainty.

 

“You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that right now,” Ren whispered against Hux’s mouth. “I’m willing to go all the way if you are. I just want this… us, to work. More than anything.”

 

“I think we can manage that,” Hux replied, encouragingly.

 

Ren smiled and Hux felt his cheeks burn with heat from the sweetness of it. Ren’s smile was, without a question, his greatest asset. It made no difference how many times Hux saw it or the reason it was there in the first place, Ren’s smile always managed to somehow make his heart flutter, beat that much faster.

 

“Can you say it one more time, Bren?” The use of his first name gave Hux a swooping sensation in his stomach, as it always did.

 

“Say what?”

 

Ren gave him a look that answered the question without words, so Hux said it again without objection, deep and clear, his voice filled with genuine affection.

 

“I _want_ to be with you, Ren.”

 

Ren chuckled, looking positively besotted. Hux was not going to let that expression deter him, no matter how fucking beautiful Ren was. Gaining a bit of his senses back, Hux needed to keep himself in check so this evening wouldn’t fall into train wreck territory. He deliberately cleared his throat, still not breaking eye contact.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“Nothing... it’s just... the great Brendol Hux, at his throne, talking about feelings and telling me he wants me. It’s kind of surreal.”

 

“Hey, whatever you do, just don’t let our secret get out. We both have a reputation to maintain.”

 

Ren nodded, and there it was again, that flawless, almost innocent smile. That smile was really what had started it all, and he was sure that in due course, it would be the death of him.

 

“Where the hell have you been hiding yourself all this time?” Ren asked, leaning in closer, fingers pressed firm against Hux’s spine as he wrapped him in an embrace that felt too warm, too full of emotion to be intended for Hux alone that he wondered how could this be, Ren holding him now? How—? Breath hot and voice affectionately deep, as he murmured Hux’s name… “Hmm? How far did you have to fall to finally get to this place with me?”

 

Hux laughed a little, fingers flexing half-consciously. “Forever, apparently. But this is good, right, this place with you?”

 

“Yes, Hux. It’s good, it’s so, so good.”

 

They settled into a wonderful stillness with their breaths in sync. Hux was a cradle now, protecting this beautiful intricacy of flesh and bone. Ren felt small against him, strangely vulnerable in his embrace. A year ago, he would never have felt anything quite like this and all of a sudden, it didn’t matter what he went through and how he came about to this decision. Hux could guess, but it hardly mattered any more. The point was that Ren was the man Hux always knew he wanted, the man he saw right in the end, the man who chased him through thick and thin, the man who was not only stubborn and snarky, but could see through all of Hux’s bullshit, kissed him like he was

giving him everything, and made love like it was his birthright and not a symptom of his unquenchable desire. There was a sense of possession in that knowledge, a triumphant, delicious kind of slow pride welling up in his chest. Hux focused on him, intensely focused, and when Ren glanced at Hux with a soft quirk to his lips, Hux smiled back and took the next step forward, leading the way.

 

Hux let himself fall into Ren then, not because he needed to, not even because he wanted to. When Ren’s lips touched Hux’s lips, when they tumbled back against the desk, when they pulled at each other’s clothes with their hands in every single space all at once, it was because they were destined to. There would be no more uncertain tension between them, there would be no more holding back, no more resisting or denying, but to give Ren everything he had for as long as Ren would be willing to take it.

 

Finally, everything felt right, exactly the way it was always meant to be, exactly for all they had become, and for all that they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's all done now :') 
> 
> bye for now!


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